GPS: DESTINATION – RELATIONSHIP 3 by Dr. Shah, Clearview Church, Henderson, NC
Introduction: Once again, we have received lots of positive comments on this segment on relationships. We have especially heard from parents and grandparents that they were very happy and grateful for this series. One told me on the way out – “I can’t wait to send this to my children!” We as parents and grandparents want our children to find that person that God has for them and live a life of joys and blessings. Again, no single shaming here – if you know that God has called you to be single, that is also a life of joys and blessings. This weekend we are in part 3 of our message on relationships. We are going to focus on how to find the one that God has for your life. If you are already married, I’m praying that this message will help you know that you have the one God has for you, and you will take time to reminisce and even appreciate the good. If you are divorced and seeking someone in your life, that you will know that God is the healer of hearts and the restorer of joys. Main Point: When it comes to finding a relationship, it can be a very frustrating and discouraging process. Nonetheless, God, the copyright holder on marriage, is willing to guide you through the process and bring you to the person he has for you. Trust his promises and follow his promptings. He will bring you to the right person, but not before he has made you the right person.
Genesis 24 6 “But Abraham said to him (oldest servant of his house, who ruled over all that he had, probably Eliezer)…7 The LORD God of heaven, who took me from my father’s house and from the land of my family, and who spoke to me and swore to me, saying, ‘To your descendants I give this land,’ He will send His angel before you, and you shall take a wife for my son from there. 8 And if the woman is not willing to follow you, then you will be released from this oath; only do not take my son back there.”
How do we choose a relationship according to God’s will, part 3? Let’s begin by acknowledging that finding God’s will can be very frustrating and discouraging at times. Howard Whaley (former dean at Moody Bible Institute) once wrote in an article – “The more some people talk about God’s will, the more confusing it becomes. And then so many adults lay it on that young people ‘ought to,’ ‘must,’ ‘need to’ do this or that with their lives. It all gets tiresome after a while.” That is so true and unfortunate. This is especially true when it comes to relationships. By the way, as I have been saying throughout this series, there is one decision that is not complicated. It is neither frustrating nor discouraging – it is the decision to be saved. Romans 12:13 says, “For ‘whoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved.’” Are you saved? You can make that decision now.
Having said that, finding a relationship, even according to God’s will, can be tough for several reasons:
- Differences: Another person with a different background, a different set of expectations, and an independent free will is involved. Who you are and what you do impacts their decision to want a relationship with you, and who they are and what they do impacts your decisions to want a relationship with them.
- Risks: The risks involved are also high. Will she be the same person tomorrow that she claims to be today? Will he love me the same years from now that he says he does today? What if he/she changes? What if there are kids involved? What if I lose all that I have worked for?
- Baggage: Add to this the pain and hurt, and the fear and doubts, that come from our previous experiences. We don’t want to go through the same bad feelings again. There is trepidation and apprehension involved.
- Conflicts: Let’s not forget the conflicts and disagreements that happen in relationships. Will this work? Is it meant to work?
- Advices: Then, we have the advice givers around us from parents to friends to TV shows to self-help books to pastors. Who is right and who is wrong?
Thank goodness that God gave us an entire chapter (Genesis 24) on how to find a relationship according to his will. Here we will see all 3 views (Specific-will, Wisdom, and Relationship) coming together, especially the Relationship View. Let’s dive in.
Context: Genesis 24 begins by informing us that Abraham was well advanced in age. So, he called the oldest servant of his house, the one who ruled over all that he had, probably Eliezer of Damascus, to go back to his country and his family and find a wife for his son. Why? Genesis 24 3 “and I will make you swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and the God of the earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell; 4 but you shall go to my country and to my family, and take a wife for my son Isaac.”
1. Begin with the Deal Breaker test (from last sermon): Morality and Salvation.
Application: If you want God to be involved in finding a relationship for you, don’t compromise here.
Why didn’t Abraham go himself? Of course, he was “well advanced in age,” but I believe there’s more involved. Sometimes, we as parents can raise the bar so high that our children cannot find anyone good enough. By sending the vice-president of his company, he was ensuring that it was still high priority without losing focus.
Genesis 24 10 Then the servant took ten of his master’s camels and departed, for all his master’s goods were in his hand. And he arose and went to Mesopotamia, to the city of Nahor. 11 And he made his camels kneel down outside the city by a well of water at evening time, the time when women go out to draw water. 12 Then he said, “O LORD God of my master Abraham, please give me success this day, and show kindness to my master Abraham.”
2. Bathe the whole process in prayer. Philippians 4:6 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
Genesis 24 13 “Behold, here I stand by the well of water, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water. 14 Now let it be that the young woman to whom I say, “Please let down your pitcher that I may drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I will also give your camels a drink’—let her be the one You have appointed for Your servant Isaac. And by this I will know that You have shown kindness to my master.”
3. Remember the qualities that matter. Eliezer was looking for someone who was willing to work hard (no makeup), show compassion to a stranger, and go the extra mile. Does that mean that he was not looking for someone beautiful for his master’s son? Of course, not, but it was not his top priority.
Application: My brother helped me to make a list of what I was looking for in a wife. We burned the list after I finished it. Nicole fit the list and more! I didn’t realize that until years down the road, and I’m still realizing that!
Genesis 24 15 And it happened, before he had finished speaking, that behold, Rebekah, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham’s brother, came out with her pitcher on her shoulder. 16 Now the young woman was very beautiful to behold, a virgin; no man had known her. And she went down to the well, filled her pitcher, and came up. 17 And the servant ran to meet her and said, “Please let me drink a little water from your pitcher.” 18So she said, “Drink, my lord.” Then she quickly let her pitcher down to her hand, and gave him a drink. 19 And when she had finished giving him a drink, she said, “I will draw water for your camels also, until they have finished drinking.” 20 Then she quickly emptied her pitcher into the trough, ran back to the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels. 21 And the man, wondering at her, remained silent so as to know whether the LORD had made his journey prosperous or not.
4. Be patient and wait on the Lord.
Genesis 24 22 So it was, when the camels had finished drinking, that the man took a golden nose ring weighing half a shekel, and two bracelets for her wrists weighing ten shekels of gold, 23 and said, “Whose daughter are you? Tell me, please, is there room in your father’s house for us to lodge?” 24 So she said to him, “I am the daughter of Bethuel, Milcah’s son, whom she bore to Nahor.” 25 Moreover she said to him, “We have both straw and feed enough, and room to lodge.”
5. Family matters.
I fell in love with Nicole’s dad before I fell in love with her. Her dad and my dad spoke on the phone several times, so also Nicole. When Nicole met my family, she asked my dad, “How could you let your son marry someone that you never met?” His answer: “I know my son. He has made some mistakes in small things in life. But when it comes to the big things in life, I’ve never known him to make a mistake.”
This may be difficult for some of you because there are issues in the family that you are not proud of. In those cases, lean on your church family.
26 Then the man bowed down his head and worshiped the LORD. 27 And he said, “Blessed be the LORD God of my master Abraham, who has not forsaken His mercy and His truth toward my master. As for me, being on the way, the LORD led me to the house of my master’s brethren.”
6. Acknowledge God every step of the way.
Genesis 24 29 Now Rebekah had a brother whose name was Laban, and Laban ran out to the man by the well. 30 So it came to pass, when he saw the nose ring, and the bracelets on his sister’s wrists, and when he heard the words of his sister Rebekah, saying, “Thus the man spoke to me,” that he went to the man. And there he stood by the camels at the well. 31 And he said, “Come in, O blessed of the LORD! Why do you stand outside? For I have prepared the house, and a place for the camels.” If you know anything about Laban from the later account of how he tricked Jacob, you know what was on his mind. Eliezer shared the entire happenings from start to finish, and the family gave their blessings. 52 And it came to pass, when Abraham’s servant heard their words, that he worshiped the LORD, bowing himself to the earth. 53 Then the servant brought out jewelry of silver, jewelry of gold, and clothing, and gave them to Rebekah. He also gave precious things to her brother and to her mother. Again, family matters. 54 And he and the men who were with him ate and drank and stayed all night. Then they arose in the morning, and he said, “Send me away to my master.” 55 But her brother and her mother said, “Let the young woman stay with us a few days, at least ten; after that she may go.” 56 And he said to them, “Do not hinder me, since the LORD has prospered my way; send me away so that I may go to my master.”
7. Be wise and avoid long engagements.
Application: Some people date and get engaged forever. It rarely works.
Genesis 24 57 So they said, “We will call the young woman and ask her personally.” 58Then they called Rebekah and said to her, “Will you go with this man?” And she said, “I will go.”
Genesis 24 63 And Isaac went out to meditate (pray or even relieve himself) in the field in the evening; and he lifted his eyes and looked, and there, the camels were coming. The word for meditate is a rare word (hapax legomenon) in Hebrew. 64 Then Rebekah lifted her eyes, and when she saw Isaac she dismounted from her camel; (Lit: fell off the camel in excitement! Not “lighted off the camel” as in the KJV!)
8. Don’t lose your sense of humor.
65 for she had said to the servant, “Who is this man walking in the field to meet us?” The servant said, “It is my master.” So she took a veil and covered herself.
9. Don’t play marriage while you are engaged.
Application: Cohabitation and intimacy before marriage is dishonoring to God.
66 And the servant told Isaac all the things that he had done. 67 Then Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent; and he took Rebekah and she became his wife, and he loved her.
10. If you obey God’s will in the easier (commanded) decisions, it becomes easier to know God’s will in the harder (non-commanded) decisions.
Application: This is the same Isaac who was willing to die on the altar. He recognized in one conversation that this was God’s will.
11. Love must be rekindled throughout life’s journey. It is a demonstration of the Christ-Church relationship.
A great love story does not eliminate failures, weaknesses, and troubles later in life. Isaac and Rebecca became distant with time, where she was more in tune with God’s plan than he was. Also, their sons didn’t get along. But it doesn’t mean that this wasn’t God’s plan. Doubts and discouragements are part of the journey. The test is not our failures, but our submission to the eternal plan of God. In this plan, he promises to greet us on the other side, as we are fumbling to apologize, he says, “Well done my good and faithful servant. You did exactly what I needed you to do!” It’s to the one who did a lot but never submitted that he says “Depart from me. I never knew you.”
Final thing to point out here: Is it available to anybody? Yes. No perfect obedience or spiritual elitism is required.
Invitation: What is your desire for with regards to relationship? Are you saved?