Life Between Posts (Article) by Abidan Paul Shah

LIFE BETWEEN POSTS (Article) by Abidan Paul Shah

(Published in the newspaper Daily Dispatch, Henderson on July 7, 2018)

IMG_2578You’re scrolling through your favorite social media and you see the perfect picture with perfect smiles and perfect clothes with a perfect background. To top it all off, its accompanied by a perfect caption, including hashtags like #lovinglife #love #loveus #happiness #sohappy #perfectday #forever #natural – What do all these hashtags and the posts and pictures that accompany them have in common? They are deceiving. They only give a partial, wishful, and concocted glimpse of life. I wish people would also add these hashtags to their posts and pictures– #pleasethinkImhappy #pretendwithmethatallisfine #IwishIfeltlikethispicture #Iwishwecouldalwaysbethishappy #justhadafight #abouttohaveafight #tookme20triestogetthispicture.

Unfortunately, many of us buy into and perpetuate the lies communicated by those pictures and posts with their unrealistic hashtags. I have seen young people fall into depression because they felt that others were having a great time and they were doomed to a life of misery and loneliness. They don’t stop to consider that those pictures were re-taken twenty times! I have seen marriages fall apart because one partner felt that they were not as happy as others and that the grass was greener somewhere else. They don’t realize that the grass is always greener by the septic tank! I have known people who refused to get help because they thought a few likes on social media would solve their problems. They don’t understand that hearts on a screen can never fix the heart of their problems.

Am I suggesting that we stop posting happy pictures and take on a morose view of life? Absolutely not. It’s perfectly fine to share our joys with others. Social media is a wonderful tool to keep up with family and friends. But, please don’t confuse a perfectly angled selfie with a perfectly aligned life. Be discerning. Here’s a reality check from the oldest book in the Bible – “Man who is born of woman is of few days and full of trouble.” (Job 14:1) Before you envy someone else’s perfect life, remember that even Jesus – the perfect Son of God – had a few bad days. Imagine all your besties deserting you and letting you die for crimes you didn’t commit! Ironically, we call it “Good Friday.”

Ultimately, we need to ask ourselves – What causes us to crave this approval and admiration of others? Why is it that we want others to think that our life is so flawless? Where did this desire to cover up our blemishes and failures come from? It goes all the way back to Adam and Eve who tried to cover up their sin by using fig leaves. Refusing to face up to our problems and pretending that all is fine is an old family trait. Just like our first parents, we also hide in our proverbial gardens instead of confessing our sin before God and seeking his help and forgiveness through Jesus. Thinking that someone else has it better than us also runs in the family. Cain was envious of his brother Abel because he saw that God approved his brother’s offering. Instead of changing his ways, he killed Abel.

Here are a couple of questions to consider before you post that perfect picture with the perfect quote: What is your true motivation for posting? Who are you trying to impress? Will this uplift someone or bring them down? If you are posing with someone, do they really believe that about you? Does that person feel used? What is the real issue that you are avoiding? How does God feel about your post? Jesus rebuked those who rejected him, saying, “How can you believe, who receive honor from one another, and do not seek the honor that comes from the only God? (John 5:44)

True life is what happens between posts. #Lifebetweenposts – there’s a hashtag that should go viral!

Changing Seasons of A Marriage (Article) by Abidan Paul Shah

CHANGING SEASONS OF A MARRIAGE (Article) by Abidan Paul Shah

(Published in the newspaper Daily Dispatch, Henderson on February 3, 2018) 

Genesis 8:22 “While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, winter and summer, and day and night shall not cease.” Ecclesiastes 3:1 “To everything there is a season…”

Changing Seasons of a MarriageWe all have our favorite seasons. Many of us love the Fall with its changing leaves and beautiful colors. Some of us love Winter with its cooler temperatures. I know a lady in our church who left Florida because she got tired of the warm weather! She makes it a point to remind me that a perfect forecast is when they’re calling for below freezing! Personally, I love Spring because it’s a glimpse of the resurrection that awaits us. And, what can I say about Summer! Long days, beach trips, and the yellow inferno, which some call “the Sun.” No matter how much we love one season more than another, we cannot hold on to our favorite ones or skip over those we don’t like. They all change in due time and each one is essential for the next to arrive. Without Spring, there would be no Summer and Summer prepares us for Fall, which in turn ushers in Winter. In the same way, a marriage also has different seasons. We may prefer one over the other but we cannot hold on to any or skip over the ones we don’t like. I want to briefly explain the various seasons of a marriage and how that understanding can enhance your relationship. My information is coming from two books that have helped me greatly in my pre-marital and marital counselling: “Passages of Marriage” by Minirth, Newman, and Hemfelt; “Seasons of a Marriage” by H. Norman Wright. Altogether, there are five seasons in a marriage:

  1. “Fall Season” – It is romantic love filled with captivating colors and perfect temperatures. The air is full of expectations that the colors will never fade and the temperatures will never change. Unfortunately, the leaves start falling, the temperatures start dropping, and only the barren woods and brown grass remains. Unfulfilled expectations can sometimes lead to hurt, anger, and bad choices.
  2. “Early Winter Season” – It is marked by a growing realization that love is not enough to face the dropping temperatures. Bills, mortgage, and car payments have to made. But, it’s not all bad. It can also be a time of much joy and excitement with the arrival of new members in the family! New roles and adjustments have to be made but it is fulfilling. Warning: It can also be a time when silk sheets get replaced with flannel!
  3. “Late Winter Season” – With no Punxsutawney Phil in sight, the days seem depressing and meaningless. Being locked up indoors, the defects in each other become more distinct and annoying. Cabin fever can sometimes drive people to venture out to re-discover themselves. Someone cleverly called it the “go-away-closer disease,” where the spouse wants to be closer and yet pushes the other person away. If properly handled, it can actually lead to deeper intimacy and commitment.
  4. “Spring Season” – Just when it seems that winter would last forever, the leaves start budding, the flowers start blooming, the birds start singing, the temperature starts rising, and “love is in the air.” Having weathered the harsh winter of life, people become more realistic and mature. Don’t take this as some “as good as it gets” life. Instead, it brings a far richer love and appreciation for one another.
  5. “Summer Season” – Far from being the “last years” of a marriage, these can be the “masterpiece years.” Michelangelo began his work on the Sistene Chapel at 76 and created the architectural plans for the Church of Santa Maria degli Angeli at 88. Having been through the hurricanes of the Fall, blizzards of the Winter, hay fever of the Spring, and other unexpecteds of life, you are well-qualified for a masterpiece marriage.

Remember: “Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall; All you got to do is call” on God and he will see you through any season of your marriage.

Love is Liberating by Pastor Abidan Shah

LOVE IS LIBERATING by Pastor Shah, Clearview Church, Henderson

Love is LiberatingIntroduction:  If you keep up with politics, I’m sure you’ve heard of Congressman Sam Johnson from Plano, Texas. He has served in the House since 1991 and will be retiring next year. He is an Air Force Veteran and a POW in Vietnam for 7 years at the infamous “Hanoi Hilton,” also known as “Hell’s Hole.” In recalling his experience, he said, “Starvation, isolation and torture were constant companions. There was no news from home, and the enemy worked hard to make us feel alone and forgotten.” He describes one of the torture treatments – “I could recall nothing from military survival training that explained the use of a meat hook suspended from the ceiling…During a routine torture session…the Vietnamese tied a prisoner’s hands and feet, then bound his hands to his ankles—sometimes behind the back, sometimes in front. The ropes were tightened to the point that you couldn’t breathe. Then, bowed or bent in half, the prisoner was hoisted up onto the hook to hang by ropes. Guards would return at intervals to tighten them until all feeling was gone, and the prisoner’s limbs turned purple and swelled to twice their normal size. This would go on for hours, sometimes even days on end.” The torture and malnutrition made Johnson stoop-shouldered and mangled his right arm, besides a cracked back and broken arm when his plane went down. After 42 months in a dark solitary cell with rats and filth, he was finally released and he remembers the sweet embrace of his wife Shirley and their three kids. He said, “I got through those hellish years by the grace and mercy of God.” Our final message in this series on love is titled, “LOVE IS LIBERATING.” There’s no true love in hate-filled, torture like environments. True love flourishes where there is true freedom.

I Corinthians 13   4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Context: At the heart of all the problems in the Corinthian Church was the problem of love. They didn’t know how to love each other properly. Paul wrote this letter to teach them how to love each other the way Christ loves us. In today’s message, you will see that Christ never exposes, never suspects, never discourages, and never threatens.

Question: How do you love people? Do you at times expose the weaknesses and failures of the ones you love? Do you constantly suspect and doubt the ones you love? Do you discourage and steal hope from the ones you love? Do you give up on or threaten the ones you love? Are you saved? Have you truly experienced the love of God in Christ?

Let’s look at the words in Greek: The first is “love bears all things.” The Greek word for bears is “stegei.” It comes from the noun “stegei,” which means “roof.” I’m sure the Corinthians knew what this word meant. Archaeologists have found evidence that by the 7th century BC the temples and houses in Corinth had started replacing thatched roofs with fired tiles. Why? Because thatched roofs were a huge fire hazard, especially in a growing city like Corinth. These tiles were heavy, weighing about 60 plus pounds but they were durable, long-lasting, and protective from the rain, sun, heat, snow, and cold. The word “stegei” took on the idea of covering, sheltering, protecting, keeping out, and keeping in. When Paul says, “love bears all,” he is really saying, “love always covers and never exposes.” Meaning: Love does not find pleasure in exposing others to harshness. Love does not get joy in watching the other person squirm in fear or shame. In the Corinthian culture, it might have been okay to expose your enemy but not in Christianity.

Application: Do you cover people or do you expose people? In the Greco-Roman world, sometimes when the renters would not pay on time, the landlords would remove the front door or even strip off the tiles from the roof. Does that sound familiar? Someone is bound to say, “Are you suggesting we hide someone’s sin?” No. I’m simply saying what Peter also said in I Peter 4:8And above all things have fervent love for one another, for ‘love will cover a multitude of sins.’” Even though Peter uses a different word for “cover” than roof, the idea is the same. Love does not get pleasure out of exposing the other person but wants to help them in their moment of weakness and shame.

The second statement: “Love believes all things.” The Greek word for “believes” is “pisteuei,” which has the idea of trust in others. Again, the Corinthian culture was very competitive and status seeking. They were constantly striving to get ahead of one another by whatever means necessary. You always had to watch your back. Unfortunately, this mindset of distrust and suspicion had also entered the church. Even Christians didn’t trust each other. When Paul tells them “loves believes all things,” he was really saying, “love does not live in the zone of perpetual suspicion but is willing to trust others. It is the foundation of all relationships.”

Illustration: When God called me into the ministry, I went to Nicole’s dad and he helped me with my decision. I asked him if he would also help me find a good seminary. He took me to one. On the way, he told me that one of his good friends was a pastor nearby and he wanted to come visit with us. That sounded fine to me. This man came and after they caught up, he turned to me and began telling me how terrible people were and how they would stab me in the back and how they could not be trusted. He spent the next hour or two emotionally vomiting. I didn’t know what to think. I wasn’t naïve about church ministry. My dad was a pastor and still is. But I didn’t know how to take what he had just told me. After he left, Nicole’s dad said to me, “Don’t pay attention to anything he said. He must be going through some mess. Without trust, you cannot minister to people.”

Here’s the point: If you constantly operate as some kind of a KGB agent, always frisking people, always looking over your shoulder, always questioning their motives, you will never be able to love people. Your relationships will always be sporadic, seasonal, and short lived. By the way, get used to the idea that people will fail you. They will break your trust. If I may add, many times, people will rise or fall to the level of your expectations. If you keeping suspecting them, they will become suspicious. Trust is the foundation of all relationships. Without it, there’s no true love.

The third statement: “love hopes all things.” The Greek word for “hopes” is “elpidzei,” which has the idea of expectation and wish. People often confuse faith with hope. They are related but they are not the same. They are related in the sense that they are both looking to something that is invisible and unprovable. But they are different because just a few verses later Paul says in verse 13 “And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” What is the difference between faith and hope? Faith is what you can’t see but you are standing on. Hope is what you can’t see but you are looking for. If faith is the foundation that you can’t see but you are standing on. Hope is the window through which you are looking for what you can’t see yet.

Illustration: In the past few years, the Robertson family from West Munroe, Louisiana has become a household name. You’ve heard of their show – “Duck Commander.” They came from very humble background through some very difficult times. In the book “Duck Commander Family,” Willie Robertson writes this in the prolog: “The dinner table is where I learned to follow my dreams. This is where Dad told us he was going to start Duck Commander, and where I told my family I was getting married and heading off to college. Our hopes and aspirations were never shot down, never debated, only encouraged. We might have been eating fried bologna at the time because that was all we could afford, but there was hope that one day we would be feasting on a big fat rib-eye steak.” Would you agree that they are loving family? Would you agree that their hope has become more than a reality?

Here’s the point: You can have all the covering and all the trust but if you don’t have hope, you will shrivel and die. When a marriage loses hope, when a friendship loses hope, when a church loses hope, when a community loses hope, when a nation loses hope, it is the beginning of the end of love.

Application: Are you a hope giver or are you a hope stealer? Do you open the windows to your loved ones’ dreams and goals or do you lock them up like Congressman Sam Johnson in a dark, hopeless prison cell?

The fourth and final statement: “love endures all things.” The Greek word for “endures” is “hupomenei,” which carries the idea of being patient, remaining, and enduring. In other words, “love does not give up, doesn’t run out when things get tough.” In a transient culture like the Corinthians, when things didn’t work out with one person, move on to the next. If it doesn’t work out again, move on to the next. You don’t have to take anyone’s mess. How do we know this? Think about the different groups in the Corinthian church. I Corinthians 1   12 Now I say this, that each of you says, “I am of Paul,” or “I am of Apollos,” or “I am of Cephas,” or “I am of Christ.” 13 Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul? The Corinthians had moved from one group to another when things didn’t work out with one.

Let me clarify: There are times when you may have to cut relationships because of physical or mental/emotional abuse. Having said, we need to learn to bear with others and their faults and failures. Listen carefully: When you love somebody, be prepared to be hurt. Hurting people will hurt people. But if you drop them, they will never get the chance to heal. In your marriage, family, church family, community, neighborhood, and workplace, you will come across people that you have to be patient with.

Application: Are you willing to endure? Are you willing to look over their failures and hang-ups? Are you willing to cut others some slack?

How can you have this kind of love? First, understand how God loves you. Remember, you can substitute Christ for every time love is mentioned in this verse – “Christ bears all things, Christ believes all things, Christ hopes all things, Christ endures all things. Christ never fails.” Second, understand how to love people. Begin today by setting people free. Think of yourself as a prison warden with keys to 4 cells:

  • Cell #1 Exposure (Remember, love covers all. Let the inmates know that you will always cover them.)
  • Cell #2 Suspicion (Remember, love trusts others. Let the inmates know that you will never doubt them.)
  • Cell #3 Pessimism (Remember, love gives hope. Let the inmates know that you see a bright day in the future.)
  • Cell #4 Threats (Remember, love endures all. Let the inmates know that you will never give up on them.)

True love will being to flow when you set the captives free.

Are you free? Are people in your life free? Are you saved

Favorite Books on Marriage – Marriage, Family, and Beyond Vlog by Abidan and Nicole Shah

Favorite Books on Marriage – Marriage, Family, and Beyond Vlog

by Abidan and Nicole Shah

Marriage Vlog 3This is our third vlog (Video Blog) on daily life issues. We don’t claim to have all the answers or even the best answer but we hope to give a biblical perspective on life issues. This one covers the books that have made the biggest impact on our marriage. Let us know what you think.

Click on the image or on this link – https://youtu.be/KUv-2FFCTHA

 

On Marriage Conferences – Marriage, Family, and Beyond Vlog

On Marriage Conferences – Marriage, Family, and Beyond Vlog by Abidan and Nicole Shah

Marriage, Family, and BeyondThis is our second vlog (Video Blog) on daily life issues. We don’t claim to have all the answers or even the best answer but we hope to give a biblical perspective on life issues. This first one covers the importance of going to marriage conferences. Let us know what you think.

 

Click on the image or on this link:   https://youtu.be/Mf9BSOmst_w

New Vlog: Marriage, Family, and Beyond – Abidan and Nicole Shah

New Vlog: Marriage, Family, and Beyond – Abidan and Nicole Shah

Marriage, Family, and BeyondMarriage, Family and Beyond: Date Night by Abidan and Nicole Shah – This is our very first vlog (Video Blog) on daily life issues. We don’t claim to have all the answers or even the best answer but we hope to give a biblical perspective on life issues. This first one covers the importance of dating in a marriage relationship. Let us know what you think.

Click on the image or on this link: https://youtu.be/2am4_Rj0B0w

Taking Resentment Out of Marriage

TAKING RESENTMENT OUT OF MARRIAGE – Pastor Shah, Clearview Church, Henderson

This morning we are in part 2 of the miniseries HEALING MARRIAGES and our message is titled – TAKING RESENTMENT OUT OF MARRIAGE.

Matthew 5   31 “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

Overall Background: Listen to verse 31 again, “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ Why would God allow divorce? Doesn’t it say in Malachi 2:16a, “For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence…” Meaning: Divorce is as bad as murder. Actually, God didn’t allow divorce but Moses did. Why did he do that? The Pharisees asked Jesus that same question in Matthew 19 7 “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” Listen to what Jesus said in verse 8 “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. Meaning: Divorce was the product of hardheartedness. In God’s original vision of marriage, divorce was not in it. But because of hardheartedness, bitterness, and resentment, Moses allowed it.

Listen carefully – “Hardness of hearts” is at the root of all marital problems. It happens when people become closed off to each other, bitter and resentful to each other, and even refuse to hear what God has to say. In that situation, God allows them to do whatever they stubbornly want to do.

Question: Is there hardness of heart in your marriage? Is there bitterness in your home? Is there resentment in your marriage? Have you turned towards God to set you free? Are you willing to let grace flood through your marriage? Are you saved?

3 things we will see in this message that will teach us how to take resentment out of marriage:

I. WHAT IS HARDNESS OF HEARTS? 

8 “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives,

Background: To understand this, we have to go all the way back to why Moses originally gave this command to the people of Israel in Deuteronomy 24   1 “When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, 2 when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, 4 then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; What in the world is going on here? Among many pagan cultures the wife was considered the husband’s property. He could do whatever he wanted to with her. If he got tired of her or if he was mad with her or if he was in debt, he could sell her off to someone else. Later, if he got over his anger or if the debt got paid or if the second husband died, he could get her back. God said, “Absolutely Not!” – “for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance.” What God was saying is – “I see through your scam. Don’t try to fool me. I know what you’re doing. You are copying the world and that is an abomination to me. It is lowdown, disgraceful, and shameful.” Human nature kicks in – “But what if there’s something unclean in her?” God said, “Fine. Give her a certificate of divorce but you cannot get her back. I’m not going to let you make a mockery of marriage.”

Jesus refers to this as the hardness of hearts. If there were true love in the marriage, this would not even be an issue. Either the man was just a lowdown jerk or something terrible must have happened in this marriage for him to stoop to that level. It must have been something so terrible that his heart was hardened forever towards his wife. It could also be that the wife was not so innocent. She must have done something repeatedly or bad enough to drive him to that point. At the end of the day, either their hearts or at least the man’s heart had become hardened, bitter, and resentful to treat his wife like livestock that he could barter or trade or sell.

When hardness of the heart gets in a marriage, men and women treat each other like livestock. They do things that are unbelievable. Question: Are you treating each other like livestock? Is there hardness of heart in your marriage? Some example of this is talking down to your spouse. Then, there is talking down to your spouse in front of the kids. Also, talking down to your spouse in front of others. It includes putting your needs above their needs. Divorce is the ultimate but there are many other things that happen before that point. What has happened to your marriage that your heart has become so hardened, bitter, and resentful?

II. HOW WAS MARRIAGE IN THE BEGINNING? 

8 “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

Background: What beginning is Jesus referring to? He is referring to beyond Moses and the Law to the beginning of the creation. How do we know that? Because in the gospel of Mark the same incident is recorded and it says in Mark 10   5 And Jesus answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. 6 But from the beginning of the creation…” How does Jesus know how it was in the beginning? Because He was there! As Colossians and Hebrews tell us, the Son created the world. It means Jesus created Adam and Eve. He brought Eve to Adam and saw the childlike excitement in Adam’s eyes. He saw Eve as she walked towards Adam. It was love at first sight. Jesus must have looked up and saw the smile on the Father’s face and the Spirit was all over them. Then there was perfect intimacy. Genesis 2:25 “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” You can picture the angels high fiving each other and the Father says – “Boys, give em some privacy.” They were in love. She respected him and he lead her lovingly.

Marriage in the beginning is awesome! Like the French proverb says – “All beginnings are lovely.” In that “Velcro stage,” as someone called it, everything is “honey” and “sweetie.” I remember our wedding day like it was yesterday. I hadn’t slept a wink the night before. Nothing crazy. No bachelor party or nothing. My groomsmen were a bunch of losers! I want to Photoshop them out of the wedding picture but Nicole won’t let me. I was nervous but excited. “I am getting married! So awesome!” Then I saw Nicole walking down the aisle and she was beautiful! Then the vows – Nicole cried the whole time. I gave my vows to her dad. I looked at him the whole time. I didn’t want to mess up. Bottom line: we were in love! When in love, marriage is amazing! It’s a glimpse of heaven on earth.

How does hardness of heart get in a marriage? In every marriage there are certain expectations. When these expectations are not met, it leads to disappointments, hurt feelings, and anger. When these are left unresolved, hardness of the heart or resentment sets in. Some examples:

  • Unrealistic understanding of marriage –people enter marriage with rose-colored glasses. He makes me happy. She is the best thing that ever happened to me.
  • Broken promises and lost dreams – “I’ll be home by 5 today. I promise.” “I’m sorry I had to deal with a phone call. It’ll be 6:30 before I get home.” Then you hear things like – “He was never there for the kids.” “She’s always there for the kids but nothing for me.”
  • Unresolved hurts from the past – When we carry old baggage from the past into marriage, we tend to push it on the unsuspecting partner. Things like childhood abuse, parental failures, broken relationships, broken marriages, and other crisis.
  • Trauma or crisis – Health troubles, accidents, job loss, financial troubles, etc. are unfortunate. They can draw us together or tear us apart.
  • Depression and other emotional and physical struggles – In the beginning of a relationship, certain chemicals in the brain can offset depression for a while. But, after the newness has worn off, the old creeps back in and with it hardness of the heart and resentment. Sometimes it is chronic sickness and health decisions.

I can go on and on but the point is this – “hardness of the heart” can enter through the expected and unexpecteds of life and destroy the joy and the fulfillment in marriage. Because people cannot forgive, forget, let go, move on, turn the page, make amends, step in the other person’s shoes that something as beautiful as marriage needs a certificate of divorce.

Application: What expected and unexpected of life has caused hardness of the heart in your marriage? Are you bitter towards your spouse? Do you resent your mate?

III. WHAT IS THE CURE FOR RESENTMENT?

Here are the steps to cure resentment:

  1. Recognize the danger of hardness of heart/resentment/bitterness.

Hebrews 12   14 Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: Resentment will obstruct your view of God. 15 looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled; Resentment will spread to those around you.

  1. Confess your hardness of heart/resentment/bitterness as a sin.

Ephesians 4 31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

  1. Accept God’s plan for your marriage and family.

Colossians 3 18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. 20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

  1. Repeat the above daily.

Illustration: Sunday evenings at our home are very uneventful. After a long weekend, we’re usually crash in the living room; watch a show or a movie. Then it happens – 9 pm and it’s time for the younger kids to head to beds for school next morning. Then either Nicole or I will remember – “Trash pickup on Monday morning!” “Whoa! Before you got to bed, please take out the trash.” We will usually get things like – “We’re tired. Can we do it in the morning? I got some homework.” Our answer – “We have to cause if we don’t it will stink. I’ll have to take it in my truck and it will be messy. We have so much going on this week, if we don’t do it now, we won’t get to do it later.”

Same with hardness of heart/bitterness/resentment – daily you have to take out the trash. If not, no wonder your marriage and family is reeking.

Are you saved?

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