Anger Management Part Four

ANGER MANAGEMENT – 4 by Pastor Shah, Clearview Church, Henderson

anger4Introduction: Final message in our miniseries called “Anger Management” from the Sermon on the Mount. I’ve never heard so many positive and funny comments about any series than this one! Once again, this is not for any of us here but for a friend who has anger issues! Were listening for them, correct?!!

Matthew 5 22 But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, “Raca!’ shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire. 23 Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. 25 Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. 26 Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny.

Overall Background: 22 But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause…” Last weekend we learned how many times our anger is without a cause. We get angry when we get rejected, when we are stressed, and when we are exposed to the truth about our selves.

Illustration: Like the man who burst into the doctor’s office, angry as anything. The receptionist tried to calm him down. Somebody stole my wig during the surgery and left this disgusting thing instead. The doctor comes out and calmly holds up two fingers on one side and asks, ‘How many fingers am I holding up?’ Then he holds them up on the other side and asks the same. The man gives the right answer. Doctor replies: “That means your cataract surgery was successful.”

Anger without a cause is a by-product of a false view of our selves. We need our eyes to be opened to the truth. Only the Holy Spirit through God’s Word can open our eyes to our true self and help us to have the right kind of anger. If anger is not handled properly, it will damage our health, destroy our relationships, devastate our career, and dishonor/displease our God.

Question: How is anger affecting your life? Is it affecting your mental, emotional, and             physical well-being? Is it destroying your relationships with your loved ones and people in people general? Is it affecting your spiritual life and your relationship with God? Are you ready for some change? Are you saved?

The text before us talks about 3 situations of anger:

I. WHEN ANGER LASHES OUT 

22 “…And whoever says to his brother, “Raca!’ shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire.

Background: There has been a lot of discussion on the difference between these two words – Raca and fool. The word “Raca” comes from the Aramaic word “reqa” which means, “fool.” The word for fool is “Moreh.” Bottom line: Both the words seem to be saying the same thing. What’s going on here? Although, evidence is very slim, it could very well be that “raca” was more insulting than “moreh.”

For e.g. In the South, there’s an expression – “bless his heart.” Unless you are saying that to a little kid who is being cute and innocent, it’s not very flattering. It usually implies – “You are an idiot but I like you and care about you so I don’t want to hurt your feelings.” Sometimes they even insert “God” into “bless your heart.” That’s just to couch the blow.

Here’s the point: In anger, you can outrightly call someone a “fool” or you can say, “bless your heart.” Either way, you are lashing out at the other person in anger without a cause. What Jesus is saying here is – you heard it said, “whoever calls his brother an ugly name may have to stand trial before the city council, but I say to you that if you talk down about someone in anger, you may have to stand in the fire of hell.” Wow!

Many of us say a lot of stuff in anger. Some of us just lash out with a slew of insults and curse words. That is evil and will be judged by others. Others of us have a way of talking down and condescendingly about the person we’re angry with. Sometimes I think that is more painful than the insults and curse words. In God’s standard of righteousness, even the slightest and the subtlest angry words will not go unnoticed. Listen to what Jesus said in Matthew 12 36 But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. 37 For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

By the way, 2 verses earlier in verse 34 Jesus called the Pharisees and the scribes “brood of vipers.” That’s a bad name! And in Matthew 23 and verses 17 and 18 he actually called them, “Fools and blind!” Is Jesus being a hypocrite? He is proving that only God has the authority to call somebody a “fool.” What’s the point? When we use hateful words because we are angry without a cause, we are elevating ourselves to the place of God and we’ll have to give an account for every one of those words.

What’s the Solution? Restrain. Stop. Wait. Walk away. Count to 10 or 100 or 1000 before you speak.

Question: How do you react when you get angry? Do you start calling the other person ugly names? Do you start cutting down the other person with ugly names? Do you cut them down behind their back with ugly names? I’ve seen many couples do that to each other behind their spouse’s back. Do you realize that one day you will have to give an account for every idle word before God?

II. WHEN ANGER LOOKS BACK

23 Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar,

Background: There was only one altar on which the Jewish people could make an offering and that was the one at the Temple in Jerusalem. Imagine someone standing by the altar with his or her animal. Keep in mind that Jesus is preaching this message near the Sea of Galilee that is 80 miles to the north of Jerusalem. It has taken this person 3 days to travel from Galilee to get to the Temple in Jerusalem. What happens? “and there remember that your brother has something against you.” Oswald Chambers makes an insightful observation. Jesus didn’t say – “If you rake up something by a morbid sensitiveness, but – ‘If you remember,’ that is, if it is brought to your conscious mind by the Spirit of God.” Many people are walking under constant remorse and guilt that has nothing to do with the Holy Spirit. They are constantly digging and probing themselves and causing spiritual hemorrhage. It might just be the way they grew up and somebody always accused them of something they did wrong. This is not what this passage is talking about. If you are under constant guilt, take it to God in prayer so that he will release you from this state of perpetual guilt. It’s not from Him.

But, if the Holy Spirit brings to your mind someone who is angry with you and you have not tried to restore things, then you’re not ready to worship God. Here’s an important point: Anger affects our Worship. In other words, horizontal relationships do affect vertical relationship. How you relate to people affects how you relate to God. If right now you’re angry with someone or someone is angry with you, it will affect the way you worship God. You cannot compartmentalize your spiritual life. You cannot separate earthly things from heavenly things.

What is the solution? 24 leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Keep in mind that this person is 3 days away from home. It would be totally unreasonable for Jesus to say – “Leave the animal at the altar and go home 3 days away. Take another day to find the guy who is angry with you. Then turn around and come back. Altogether, that’s 7 days – 1 whole week! More than likely, the person who is angry is also at the temple. What’s the point? It is easy to get along with people far away. It is much harder to get along with people right next door or in the pew over. As someone said, “To live above with those we love, oh, how that will be glory. To live below with those we know, now that’s another story.” Many times when people do try this, they go with such a pompous and self-righteous manner – “I forgive you.” It just adds fuel to the fire.

Question: How is your relationship with people near to you? Do you offer grace to them? Are you patient with them? Do you wait for them to come to you or do you swallow your pride and go to them? If you do try to make things right, in what spirit do you do that? Do you realize that your spiritual life is at a standstill until you restore that relationship?

III. WHEN ANGER LINGERS ON 

25 Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison.

For e.g. Two siblings who are in trouble for fighting with each other. They’re both about to get it. Before mom and dad can deal with them, they make things right.

Don’t wait, deliberate, or procrastinate but immediately activate the process of reconciliation.

There are 2 verses in the Bible that have helped me a lot through the years:

Proverbs 13:12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick,” Would you agree that we are living in a sick society?

Ephesians 4:26 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath,

26 Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny. Meaning: When you refuse to let go, you can hang on along with the offender.

Application: How long does it take for you to settle a record? Are you known as a person who holds on to old grudges? Are you a person who does not like settling things quickly?

Are you saved?? From the cross Jesus said, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” (Luke 23:34) Only through Him you can say the same.

Anger Management Part Three

ANGER MANAGEMENT – 3 by Pastor Shah, Clearview Church, Henderson

anger3Introduction: This morning we are in part three in our miniseries on Anger from the Sermon of the Mount.

Matthew 5 21“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, “Raca!’ shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire. 23 Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

Overall Background: 22 But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. Last weekend, we first tried to understand what is “anger with a cause.” It is anger when people harden their hearts, when leaders compromise the gospel, when people act like they know better than God, when we see the innocent being mistreated, and when Christians give a bad testimony. The point is – not all anger is bad. Remember – anger is a divine emotion (it comes from God) and it is a derived emotion (it comes out when God’s Holiness and Love come together). We need this kind of anger today – Anger With a Cause. By the way, it’s not mean or hateful or vindictive but it stands up for what is right, for the truth of God.

But, there is another kind of Anger, Anger Without A Cause, which is what this text is about. This kind of anger is not righteous, it is not godly, and it does not bring any good. In fact, it destroys, it is deadly, and it is demonic. No matter how much you justify or rationalize it, it is sinful and against God’s will. Jesus actually compares it to murder. Listen to verse 21“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause…” In essence, Jesus is saying – “Murder is bad but anger without a cause is worse!”

Question: Do you have this kind of anger? Should I ask – “Does your friend have this kind of anger?” How has it affected your spiritual life, family life, relationships, and work performance? How do you feel when the dust settles? Are you ready for a change? Are you saved?

Let’s look at anger “without a cause.” It comes out —

I. WHEN WE FEEL REJECTED

Genesis 4 3 And in the process of time it came to pass that Cain brought an offering of the fruit of the ground to the LORD. 4 Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat. And the LORD respected Abel and his offering,

Background: Cain and Abel were sons of Adam and Eve. Both of them had respectable occupations – Cain was a farmer and Abel was a Shepherd. When it came time for the offering, God accepted Abel’s offering over Cain’s. Why? Because the offering was supposed to be a blood sacrifice that would represent our forgiveness of sins and refer to the coming of the One who would die for our sins. Cain must have gotten tired of buying a lamb from his brother every time he had to offer a sacrifice and so he decided to make a change. Why can’t God accept my best? What’s wrong with fruits and vegetables? Several things wrong with that – one, the blood sacrifice represented life for life, my sins upon the Lamb; second, it gave a distorted image of God. God is Spirit and those who worship him must worship him in spirit and truth. He doesn’t eat fruits and vegetables.

Listen to verse 5 but He did not respect Cain and his offering. And Cain was very angry, and his countenance fell. Cain must’ve felt rejected. God even tried to remind Cain – 6 So the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? 7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.” What was the result? Cain killed Abel.

Life is full of rejections – relationships, job opportunities, church responsibilities, and the list goes on. Rejection is painful. It makes us question our self-worth. It causes us to lose our self-confidence. It incites us to resent the one who is accepted or selected. How you deal with rejection is important? Review what happened, rectify what is missing, reach out to God, and renew your determination. What happens when you don’t deal properly with rejection? Resentment follows. Rebellion follows. Wrath follows.

Jesus gives us an excellent illustration on how to handle rejection. There’s an incident in the Gospels when Jesus went to a certain village of the Samaritans and they did not let him come into their village. Why? Because he was headed to Jerusalem. Samaritans and Jewish people didn’t get along. What is interesting is the response of two brothers, James and John, who were known as the Sons of Thunder. Meaning: they had a bad temper. Listen to their response in Luke 9:54 “And when His disciples James and John saw this, they said, ‘Lord, do You want us to command fire to come down from heaven and consume them, just as Elijah did?’” 55 But He turned and rebuked them, and said, “You do not know what manner of spirit you are of. 56 For the Son of Man did not come to destroy men’s lives but to save them.” And they went to another village.

Application: What kind of spirit do you have? Have you been rejected? How are you handling it? Rejection left alone will lead to resentment, which will lead to rebellion, which will lead to wrath.

II. WHEN WE FEEL STRESSED OUT

We all know about the prophet Jonah – how God called him to go to Nineveh but he ran from God (we’ve been to this place) and how God sent a big storm. Jonah himself asked to be thrown overboard and a big fish swallowed him.

  • He was inside the fish for 3 days and 3 nights! How would your mental state be? I would say you’d be a little stressed!
  • But after that Jonah is vomited onto dry land. But God’s not through with Jonah – “It’s time to go to Nineveh.” So now he has to travel from the Mediterranean coast to Nineveh, which is a long way. That is stressful!
  • Finally, he is at the gates of Nineveh. Ninevites were not known for their hospitality! It usually didn’t make it on anybody’s bucket list to visit. These people were known for their highly advanced torture techniques. That’s stressful!
  • He enters into this exceedingly great city and has to walk through it – that is 3 days journey in length. That is stressful!
  • Keep in mind – this is not a leisurely walk through the historic district of Nineveh. He has to preach to them – “Yet forty days, and Nineveh shall be overthrown!” That is stressful!

What’s the result? The people repented, even their King, and God turn from his fierce anger and did not destroy Nineveh. What is Jonah’s response? Jonah 4 1 But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he became angry. 2 So he prayed to the LORD, and said, “Ah, LORD, was not this what I said when I was still in my country? Therefore I fled previously to Tarshish; for I know that You are a gracious and merciful God, slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness, One who relents from doing harm. 3 Therefore now, O LORD, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live!” Why? Yes – he is prejudiced against the Ninevites but it’s more than that. Listen to God’s question for Jonah in Jonah 4:4 Then the LORD said, “Is it right for you to be angry?” He doesn’t even answer God but goes outside the city limits, makes himself a shelter, and sits down to see what will happen next.

God just told him what will happen but he doesn’t get it. So God created an object lesson for Jonah. God raised up land to grow up and provide shade for Jonah. This made Jonah very happy period but the next morning God prepared a worm and it went and destroyed the plant. By noon time, the sun beat down on his head and the hot east wind blew against him. Jonah almost fainted and once again he said, “It is better for me to die than to live.” Listen to God’s question again in Jonah 4:9 Then God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?” And he said, “It is right for me to be angry, even to death!” Listen to God’s answer in Jonah 4:10   But the LORD said, “You have had pity on the plant for which you have not labored, nor made it grow, which came up in a night and perished in a night. 11 And should I not pity Nineveh, that great city, in which are more than one hundred and twenty thousand persons who cannot discern between their right hand and their left—and much livestock?”

Finally, Jonah had nothing to say. Why? He knew better.

When we are overly stressed out, we do things and say things that we would typically not do and say. When confronted with the truth, we know better.

Application: Are you stressed out? Are you getting enough sleep? When was the last time you took a break? In your spiritual life, are you resting in Christ? Are you praying daily?

III. WHEN WE FEEL EXPOSED 

We all know about Joseph and how his brothers had sold him into slavery. But God in His sovereign plan raised him to be second in command in Egypt. When there was a famine all over the world, his brothers came and stood in front of Joseph. They didn’t recognize him but he did. Finally, he revealed to them who he was. Listen to Genesis 45 3 Then Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph; does my father still live?” But his brothers could not answer him, for they were dismayed in his presence. 4 And Joseph said to his brothers, “Please come near to me.” So they came near. Then he said: “I am Joseph your brother, whom you sold into Egypt. 5 But now, do not therefore be grieved or angry with yourselves because you sold me here; for God sent me before you to preserve life. Joseph is so wise now. He knows that their immediate response would be sorry and anger. So he reminds them that God allowed this to happen for everyone’s good.

Truth can either set us free or make us angry. Unfortunately, many times people get angry and mad when they face the truth. Sometimes they are mad at the person telling them the truth, sometimes they are mad at someone else, and other times they are mad at themselves. None of these are the right kind of anger. They don’t help or heal. They only bring more pain. Sometimes some people even get angry with God.

Application: Are you angry with someone because they had exposed you to the truth about you? Are you angry with God? What are you going to do?

Here are some solutions:

  • Recognize that you are angry.
  • Pray for the one who rejected you.
  • Ask for God’s wisdom, healing, and forgiveness.
  • Humble yourself and look to Him every moment.

Are you saved?

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