Anger Management Part Four

ANGER MANAGEMENT – 4 by Pastor Shah, Clearview Church, Henderson

anger4Introduction: Final message in our miniseries called “Anger Management” from the Sermon on the Mount. I’ve never heard so many positive and funny comments about any series than this one! Once again, this is not for any of us here but for a friend who has anger issues! Were listening for them, correct?!!

Matthew 5 22 But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, “Raca!’ shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire. 23 Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. 25 Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. 26 Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny.

Overall Background: 22 But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause…” Last weekend we learned how many times our anger is without a cause. We get angry when we get rejected, when we are stressed, and when we are exposed to the truth about our selves.

Illustration: Like the man who burst into the doctor’s office, angry as anything. The receptionist tried to calm him down. Somebody stole my wig during the surgery and left this disgusting thing instead. The doctor comes out and calmly holds up two fingers on one side and asks, ‘How many fingers am I holding up?’ Then he holds them up on the other side and asks the same. The man gives the right answer. Doctor replies: “That means your cataract surgery was successful.”

Anger without a cause is a by-product of a false view of our selves. We need our eyes to be opened to the truth. Only the Holy Spirit through God’s Word can open our eyes to our true self and help us to have the right kind of anger. If anger is not handled properly, it will damage our health, destroy our relationships, devastate our career, and dishonor/displease our God.

Question: How is anger affecting your life? Is it affecting your mental, emotional, and             physical well-being? Is it destroying your relationships with your loved ones and people in people general? Is it affecting your spiritual life and your relationship with God? Are you ready for some change? Are you saved?

The text before us talks about 3 situations of anger:

I. WHEN ANGER LASHES OUT 

22 “…And whoever says to his brother, “Raca!’ shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire.

Background: There has been a lot of discussion on the difference between these two words – Raca and fool. The word “Raca” comes from the Aramaic word “reqa” which means, “fool.” The word for fool is “Moreh.” Bottom line: Both the words seem to be saying the same thing. What’s going on here? Although, evidence is very slim, it could very well be that “raca” was more insulting than “moreh.”

For e.g. In the South, there’s an expression – “bless his heart.” Unless you are saying that to a little kid who is being cute and innocent, it’s not very flattering. It usually implies – “You are an idiot but I like you and care about you so I don’t want to hurt your feelings.” Sometimes they even insert “God” into “bless your heart.” That’s just to couch the blow.

Here’s the point: In anger, you can outrightly call someone a “fool” or you can say, “bless your heart.” Either way, you are lashing out at the other person in anger without a cause. What Jesus is saying here is – you heard it said, “whoever calls his brother an ugly name may have to stand trial before the city council, but I say to you that if you talk down about someone in anger, you may have to stand in the fire of hell.” Wow!

Many of us say a lot of stuff in anger. Some of us just lash out with a slew of insults and curse words. That is evil and will be judged by others. Others of us have a way of talking down and condescendingly about the person we’re angry with. Sometimes I think that is more painful than the insults and curse words. In God’s standard of righteousness, even the slightest and the subtlest angry words will not go unnoticed. Listen to what Jesus said in Matthew 12 36 But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. 37 For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

By the way, 2 verses earlier in verse 34 Jesus called the Pharisees and the scribes “brood of vipers.” That’s a bad name! And in Matthew 23 and verses 17 and 18 he actually called them, “Fools and blind!” Is Jesus being a hypocrite? He is proving that only God has the authority to call somebody a “fool.” What’s the point? When we use hateful words because we are angry without a cause, we are elevating ourselves to the place of God and we’ll have to give an account for every one of those words.

What’s the Solution? Restrain. Stop. Wait. Walk away. Count to 10 or 100 or 1000 before you speak.

Question: How do you react when you get angry? Do you start calling the other person ugly names? Do you start cutting down the other person with ugly names? Do you cut them down behind their back with ugly names? I’ve seen many couples do that to each other behind their spouse’s back. Do you realize that one day you will have to give an account for every idle word before God?

II. WHEN ANGER LOOKS BACK

23 Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar,

Background: There was only one altar on which the Jewish people could make an offering and that was the one at the Temple in Jerusalem. Imagine someone standing by the altar with his or her animal. Keep in mind that Jesus is preaching this message near the Sea of Galilee that is 80 miles to the north of Jerusalem. It has taken this person 3 days to travel from Galilee to get to the Temple in Jerusalem. What happens? “and there remember that your brother has something against you.” Oswald Chambers makes an insightful observation. Jesus didn’t say – “If you rake up something by a morbid sensitiveness, but – ‘If you remember,’ that is, if it is brought to your conscious mind by the Spirit of God.” Many people are walking under constant remorse and guilt that has nothing to do with the Holy Spirit. They are constantly digging and probing themselves and causing spiritual hemorrhage. It might just be the way they grew up and somebody always accused them of something they did wrong. This is not what this passage is talking about. If you are under constant guilt, take it to God in prayer so that he will release you from this state of perpetual guilt. It’s not from Him.

But, if the Holy Spirit brings to your mind someone who is angry with you and you have not tried to restore things, then you’re not ready to worship God. Here’s an important point: Anger affects our Worship. In other words, horizontal relationships do affect vertical relationship. How you relate to people affects how you relate to God. If right now you’re angry with someone or someone is angry with you, it will affect the way you worship God. You cannot compartmentalize your spiritual life. You cannot separate earthly things from heavenly things.

What is the solution? 24 leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Keep in mind that this person is 3 days away from home. It would be totally unreasonable for Jesus to say – “Leave the animal at the altar and go home 3 days away. Take another day to find the guy who is angry with you. Then turn around and come back. Altogether, that’s 7 days – 1 whole week! More than likely, the person who is angry is also at the temple. What’s the point? It is easy to get along with people far away. It is much harder to get along with people right next door or in the pew over. As someone said, “To live above with those we love, oh, how that will be glory. To live below with those we know, now that’s another story.” Many times when people do try this, they go with such a pompous and self-righteous manner – “I forgive you.” It just adds fuel to the fire.

Question: How is your relationship with people near to you? Do you offer grace to them? Are you patient with them? Do you wait for them to come to you or do you swallow your pride and go to them? If you do try to make things right, in what spirit do you do that? Do you realize that your spiritual life is at a standstill until you restore that relationship?

III. WHEN ANGER LINGERS ON 

25 Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison.

For e.g. Two siblings who are in trouble for fighting with each other. They’re both about to get it. Before mom and dad can deal with them, they make things right.

Don’t wait, deliberate, or procrastinate but immediately activate the process of reconciliation.

There are 2 verses in the Bible that have helped me a lot through the years:

Proverbs 13:12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick,” Would you agree that we are living in a sick society?

Ephesians 4:26 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath,

26 Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny. Meaning: When you refuse to let go, you can hang on along with the offender.

Application: How long does it take for you to settle a record? Are you known as a person who holds on to old grudges? Are you a person who does not like settling things quickly?

Are you saved?? From the cross Jesus said, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” (Luke 23:34) Only through Him you can say the same.

2 responses

  1. Could I get this series on anger management on CD’s. If so, I would love to have them for I do have a son that needs this. Hopefully and praying he will listen to it. If I can get it in writing he might even pick it up and read it. He have to recognize his reason for anger. Arnette seems to be liking her job but she have not started back to church anywhere yet, She is still very busy getting things settled in her apartment. Not having a break from leaving a job straight into her first working day seems to be showing how tired she is. It’s been a long time since she have had a whole week of vacation due to most of her vacation time was taken up with her health condition while in Henderson. I think she feels like she will not found one where the preaching is powerful like she heard she came to Clearview. There is one she is thinking about trying in Mooresville where she now lives. While she was with me about 4 weeks she had to go to Henderson on the weekends to get things ready to move to Charlotte. I think when she get all the stuff in place she can just relax. David is up there this weekend to help her do things she can not do alone. Thanks for your services to her while living there. I know she misses her sweet cousin, Diane Marks, and her other cousins down there. She had the opportunity to get to know them as being so far away we did not get down there so often to the many years my husband was an elder of the church and I was the pianist so we felt we should be faithful. For many years we had no one that could play the piano. Finally, many years later we got members who had this gift and I was willingly was ready to turn it over to them or we would rotate and I would not have to play every Sunday. May God continue to bless Clearview. I hope to get down to visit the Foster families sometime in Sept and I think ARnette will be more restful by then she will be ready to visit them and perhaps we can show up there at church. Keep praying for my son and that Arnette will not stay away from church too long and be hearing the Word of God and be encouraged through this fellowship with other brothers and sisters in Christ. IN HiM, Reva

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Mrs. Reva,
      So good to hear from you! We miss Arnette very much! Please let her know that. I surely hope y’all can come and visit us soon. I prayed that Arnette will get back in church soon. I know there are seasons where we get too busy but hopefully that’s almost behind her. As to the Anger Management Series, it has been mind blowing to see how much people enjoyed and learned from them! God’s Word is truly amazing! Would you mind sending an email to Faydene Edwards and giving her your mailing address. She’ll be more than glad to mail them to you. She’s very good at that. Also, I’ll remind her to look for an email from you. Her email is faydene@aol.com.
      Thank you once again for your kind words! Look forward seeing you soon!
      In Christ,
      Abidan

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