Too Old for Time Out by Pastor Abidan Shah

TOO OLD FOR TIMEOUT by Pastor Shah, Clearview Church, Henderson

Too Old for Time out

Introduction: Would you agree that parents sometimes say the funniest things? Here are a few that I’m sure you’ve heard at some point in time or you’ve said them:

  • “Don’t look at me with those eyes.”
  • “Quiet down, I can’t even hear myself think.”
  • “Don’t make me count to three!”
  • “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
  • “So if everybody jumps off the bridge, will you jump too?”
  • “Because I said so, that’s why!”

Unfortunately, there comes a day when it doesn’t matter what you say, kids do what they want to do. With that in mind, today’s message is titled, “TOO OLD FOR TIMEOUT.”

Genesis 34   25 Now it came to pass on the third day, when they were in pain, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah’s brothers, each took his sword and came boldly upon the city and killed all the males…27…and plundered the city, because their sister had been defiled…30 Then Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, “You have troubled me by making me obnoxious among the inhabitants of the land, among the Canaanites and the Perizzites; and since I am few in number, they will gather themselves together against me and kill me. I shall be destroyed, my household and I.” 31 But they said, “Should he treat our sister like a harlot?”

Question: How is your relationship with your children? More specifically, how is your relationship with your grown children? Are they at odds with you? Are you at odds with them? What have they done to disappoint you? Many years ago I heard someone say, “When your kids are little, they step on your toes. When they get big, they step on your heart.” What have they done to step on your heart? Are you saved? Are they saved? Leading them to Christ is the most important thing you can do for them. Today’s message will teach us what to do when our kids are too old for timeout.

Context of the Message: In the last message we saw how Jacob reconciled with his old foe, his brother Esau. His worst fears were over. It was time to head home. It was time to begin a new chapter in his life. But, unlike before, Jacob is very particular about doing things the right way. Listen to Genesis 33:18 “Then Jacob came safely to the city of Shechem, which is in the land of Canaan, when he came from Padan Aram; and he pitched his tent before the city.” Jacob remembered what happened to great uncle Lot who moved into Sodom and destroyed his family and he chose to live in a tent and stay outside the city. 19 And he bought the parcel of land, where he had pitched his tent, from the children of Hamor, Shechem’s father, for one hundred pieces of money. Jacob remembered how Abraham adamantly paid Ephron the Hittite for his field in Machpelah and the cave in it and he paid Hamor for the land near Shechem. Why? He didn’t want any obligation to the people of Shechem. 20 Then he erected an altar there and called it El Elohe Israel. This is very important. Jacob is again trying to follow in the footsteps of his grandfather Abraham and father Isaac. He is building an altar to the Living God just like they did everywhere they went. Remember in Genesis 12   7 Then the LORD appeared to Abram and said, “To your descendants I will give this land.” And there he built an altar to the LORD…8 And he moved from there to the mountain east of Bethel…there he built an altar to the LORD and called on the name of the LORD. Also, Genesis 26:25 “So he (Isaac) built an altar there and called on the name of the LORD…” The point is that Jacob is being very careful in making sure that he did not make the same mistakes as his ancestors made and he did everything according to God’s will.

Now, you would think that as long as YOU do your best to follow God, everything would be just fine. No. Two things Jacob failed to take into account: First, when God called him, he did not tell him to go only as far as Shechem. Listen to Genesis 31:13 “I am the God of Bethel, where you anointed the pillar and where you made a vow to Me. Now arise, get out of this land, and return to the land of your family.” Stopping at Shechem was partial obedience and partial obedience is still full disobedience. Second, Jacob did not taken into account that his kids were not little anymore. They’re growing up with a mind of their own and they’re about to make some very poor choices. Listen to what happens in Genesis 34   1 Now Dinah the daughter of Leah, whom she had borne to Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land. I looked at this infinitive phrase “to see the daughters of the land” in the original language and the better translation should be “to be seen among the women of the city.” A more idiomatic translation would be “to hangout with the young women of the city.” Why did Jacob allow this? Maybe, it was because he sent her to pick something up from the market. Maybe, it was because she was the only girl among all the children and he felt that she could use some friends. Maybe, it was because he didn’t know and she got permission from her mother Leah. Nonetheless, Dinah started hanging out with the girls of Shechem.

Here’s an old idiom – “If you lie down with dogs, you will get up with fleas.” Meaning: If you hang around with people who don’t believe like you do or live the same convictions as you do, sooner or later you’ll start believing and living as they do. You may say, “I’m trying to witness to them.” That’s great but unless you are actively leading them to Christ, they are subtly pulling you away from Christ. There’s no static middle ground.

What happened next? 2 “And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her and lay with her, and violated her.” Some people immediately think that Shechem raped Dinah. That’s not true. The Hebrew construction actually means that he took her, lay with her, and shamed her. In other words, this was a consensual act but it ended up making Dinah look bad. Four thousand years later, not much has changed – “A boy does something wrong and he’s called a ladies man but if a girl does the same thing, she’s called a tramp.” Let’s keep reading – 3 His soul was strongly attracted to Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the young woman and spoke kindly to the young woman. 4 So Shechem spoke to his father Hamor, saying, “Get me this young woman as a wife.” In other words, this could have a good ending after all.

Now word gets back to Jacob5 “And Jacob heard that he had defiled Dinah his daughter.” It is interesting here that the narrator does not tell us as to Jacob’s reaction to the incident. Was he mad? Was he sad? Was he glad? Was he shocked? Was he disappointed? Was he indifferent? Nothing is mentioned here. I believe if anything, he is worried. Any reaction on his part, good or bad, could cause his grown sons to react badly. If he acts as if it’s no big deal, then they would be angry with him. If he acts as if it’s a big deal, then they will take that as a signal to get revenge. In Jacob’s mind, all that could be done now was to keep calm and try to make the best of this situation.

Application: Some of you are angry with your parents for something they did or didn’t do in a situation. Here’s my word to you – “You’ll never truly understand what they had to face. They did the best they could under the circumstances. Show them grace.”

What’s next? The brothers find out and they’re shocked, hurt, and angry. Hamor, the guy’s father, comes over to talk to Jacob and offers a marriage proposal. He even removes all restrictions to trade, business, and purchase of land. “After all, we’ll be family.” The boy is at the meeting as well. Listen to him – 11 Then Shechem said to her father and her brothers, “Let me find favor in your eyes, and whatever you say to me I will give. 12 Ask me ever so much dowry and gift, and I will give according to what you say to me; but give me the young woman as a wife.” He’s in love all right. Now listen to the response, not from Jacob but from his sons, Dinah’s brothers – 13 But the sons of Jacob answered Shechem and Hamor his father, and spoke deceitfully, because he had defiled Dinah their sister. 14 And they said to them, “We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one who is uncircumcised, for that would be a reproach to us.” To cut to the chase, every male in your city has to be circumcised. The Bible does not tell us if Jacob was at this meeting or not. Either way, Jacob must have heard about the deal. He is a master deceiver and he knows what’s going on. His sons are making a wicked plan. If the people of Shechem refuse, his sons will take revenge on them for hurting their sister. If they accept…surely not every male in the city would agree to this…

Long story short – Shechem and his father went home and told the people of the deal and they all agreed to be circumcised! Go figure! 25 Now it came to pass on the third day, when they were in pain, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah’s brothers, each took his sword and came boldly upon the city and killed all the males. I don’t think it was just those two brothers by themselves. More than likely, they took the lead and some of the other brothers followed, as well as all their workers. Furthermore, this is not the twenty-first century with all the sterilizations and proper medications. More than likely, there were plenty of infections and fever. That’s why they strategically waited till the third day when the pain would be at its worst. 26 And they killed Hamor and Shechem his son with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah from Shechem’s house…27 The sons of Jacob came upon the slain, and plundered the city, because their sister had been defiled. 28 They took their sheep, their oxen, and their donkeys, what was in the city and what was in the field, 29 and all their wealth. All their little ones and their wives they took captive; and they plundered even all that was in the houses.

Word got back to Jacob of what they had done. Listen to Jacob’s reaction – 30 Then Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, “You have troubled me by making me obnoxious (lit. to stink) among the inhabitants of the land, among the Canaanites and the Perizzites; and since I am few in number, they will gather themselves together against me and kill me. I shall be destroyed, my household and I.” Previously, Jacob was afraid of Esau and his 400 men. Now, it is the entire nations of the Canaanites and the Perizzites! Furthermore, the word would travel to Esau of what Jacob and his sons had done and Esau would hate him again. But listen to the brothers – 31 But they said, “Should he treat our sister like a harlot?” In other words, they don’t care about the consequences of their decisions. They wanted revenge and they got it. Jacob doesn’t say anything because there’s nothing left to say. His sons are now too old for timeout.

But listen to the very next verse – Genesis 35:1 Then God said to Jacob, “Arise, go up to Bethel and dwell there; and make an altar there to God, who appeared to you when you fled from the face of Esau your brother.” Meaning: It’s time to move. I didn’t call you here anyways.

Let me give you a few suggestions on what to do when your kids are too old for timeout:

  • Let them know that their actions were wrong
  • Don’t resent your kids. Forgive them
  • Reaffirm your love for them
  • Admit that you have made similar mistakes as well
  • Give them the opportunity to make things right
  • Trust God that he will finish what he has begun in their lives
  • Pray for them

Facing Old Foes by Pastor Abidan Shah

FACING OLD FOES by Pastor Shah, Clearview Church, Henderson

Facing Old FoesIntroduction: There have always been famous rivalries. In ancient times it was Athens vs. Sparta. In sports there are plenty of rivalries – Alabama vs. Auburn, Georgia vs. Georgia State, Duke vs. Chapel Hill. In soft drinks, Coke vs. Pepsi. There have been family rivalries like the Hatfields and the McCoys. But the worst kind is when it’s within the family. Sometimes our very flesh and blood can be our worst foes. This morning we will learn how to face old foes.

Genesis 32   6 Then the messengers returned to Jacob, saying, “We came to your brother Esau, and he also is coming to meet you, and four hundred men are with him.” 7 So Jacob was greatly afraid and distressed…9 Then Jacob said, “O God of my father Abraham and God of my father Isaac, the LORD who said to me, ‘Return to your country and to your family, and I will deal well with you’: 10 I am not worthy of the least of all the mercies and of all the truth which You have shown Your servant…11 Deliver me, I pray, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau; for I fear him, lest he come and attack me and the mother with the children.

Question: Who are you afraid to face? More specifically, who in your family are you afraid to face? What has happened between you and this person that the very mention of his/her name fills you with fear? The very thought of coming face-to-face with this person makes you sick to your stomach. It may not necessarily be a fear for your life but it’s a kind of a mental and emotional fear. Are you saved? Paul says in 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” If you are saved, God can help you face this foe with power, love, and a sound mind.

Context of the Message: If you remember from last time, Jacob had enough of Uncle and Father-in-law Laban in Haran and he was headed back to his parent’s home with his wives and children. But coming home was complicated. He didn’t exactly leave on good terms. In fact, his last exit from home was more of an escape for his life. Twenty years had passed but his old foe Esau, his brother, was still there and, if I may add, stronger than ever. I’m sure Jacob had not forgotten Esau’s last words for him – “The days of mourning for my father are at hand; then I will kill my brother Jacob.” Isaac, their father was still living but Rebekah, his mother, the one who always stood up for him and protected him, was dead. Jacob wanted to go home. He needed to go home. But, going home meant facing his brother whom he had deeply offended 20 years ago. As Proverbs 18:19 says, “A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city…” This message will help us learn from Jacob how to face the old foe.

Let’s begin in Genesis 32   1 So Jacob went on his way, and the angels of God met him. 2 When Jacob saw them, he said, “This is God’s camp.” And he called the name of that place Mahanaim. If you remember, 20 years ago when Jacob was running for his life, he had a vision of a ladder with the angels of God ascending and descending on it. So he woke up next morning and named the place Bethel, the house of God. Jacob was struggling with homesickness and God reminded Jacob that even though he was far away from the steps of his earthly home, he was always near to the steps of his heavenly home. In other words, when Jacob was away from his home, God gave him the key to his own heavenly home. But this time he calls the vision the “Camp of God.” Keep in mind that this camp was not like a tent in the woods. This was the base camp of the angelic army of God. Because Jacob was afraid for his life and family, God gave him a glimpse of his power and his presence all around him.

Application: What fear is plaguing you today? Jesus can meet you right where you are. He will replace your fear with his presence if you ask him. Have you done that?

Even after the vision of God’s army camp of angels around him, Jacob is still afraid of facing his brother Esau. So he begins to do several things to appease him. I’ve heard many messages condemning Jacob for his fear. Here’s the problem: The Bible never condemns him for doing what he did. What does he do? Genesis 32   3 Then Jacob sent messengers before him to Esau his brother in the land of Seir, the country of Edom. 4 And he commanded them, saying, “Speak thus to my lord Esau, Several things are worth pointing out here: First, Jacob addresses Esau as “lord” or “master.” That does not mean “god.” It’s simply a designation of respect and honor. When it comes to facing an old foe in the family, watch how you address them. If you begin by calling them a name or treating them with disdain or reminding them of how you’re better than they are, it will only cause them to despise and resent you even more. Proverbs 15   1 A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger. 2 The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.

This is very hard for people today who are living in the social media world where every post, picture, and snap chat is meant to make our own self look better than we are.

What else did Jacob say? 5 “I have oxen, donkeys, flocks, and male and female servants; and I have sent to tell my lord, that I may find favor in your sight.’” Jacob is offering gifts to appease his brother Esau. He is doing what Solomon tells us to do in Proverbs 12:14a “A gift in secret pacifies anger…” But the word still comes back to Jacob that Esau was coming to meet him with 400 men. 7 “So Jacob was greatly afraid and distressed…” I would be afraid too because that was a sign of battle. So he divides up his livestock and the people into different groups, hoping that if Esau attacks one, the other may be able to get away. Here’s a question: Is Jacob failing to trust God by doing all this? Not really. He is doing all he can to protect the promise of God to his grandfather Abraham. How do we know? Listen again to his prayer in Genesis 32   11 Deliver me, I pray, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau; for I fear him, lest he come and attack me and the mother with the children. 12 For You said, “I will surely treat you well, and make your descendants as the sand of the sea, which cannot be numbered for multitude.’” His prayer is focused on the promise of God.

Principle: Prayer is indispensable in times of crisis.

How does God answer Jacob’s prayer? Genesis 32:24 “Then Jacob was left alone; and a Man wrestled with him until the breaking of day.” How strange! Just when you’d think that God would send a cool breeze and give Jacob a good night sleep with dreams of angels protecting him and fighting for him, a stranger jumped on him and tried to pin him to the ground! This went on all night and when the stranger realized that he couldn’t win against him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip and it went out of joint.

What in the world is God doing? This stranger is none other than the pre-incarnate Jesus. He’s wrestling with Jacob for several reasons. First, to test him and see if he still wants the blessing of being part of the promise of God to his grandfather Abraham. Jacob refusing to let go until the stranger blessed him proved that he still wanted it. Next, it was to break him. God knows that if Jacob went out there looking all big and bad, it would only aggravate Esau more and this time he would really kill him. What’s the outcome? Instead of making him strong, he made him weak. Why? Same reason that he made Paul weak in 2 Corinthians 12   7 And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. 8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong. God way is through brokenness and weakness.

What was the result? Jacob is now sleep deprived, physically exhausted, and limping in incredible pain. 31 Just as he crossed over Penuel the sun rose on him, and he limped on his hip…Genesis 33:3 Then he crossed over before them and bowed himself to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother. You can see the silhouette of a truly broken man. What was Esau’s reaction? Genesis 33:4 But Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept. What a beautiful sight! He even refuses the gifts that Jacob had sent to him but Jacob insists and Esau reluctantly takes them. But when Esau offers to hang together, Jacob refuses because he knows that ultimately Esau was not on the same page as him.

Here are some suggestions in dealing with an old foe:

  • Trust God’s Presence
  • Show humility
  • Offer gifts
  • Pray
  • Be willing to be broken
  • Don’t compromise God’s plan for your life

Are you saved? Are you a foe of God? He is willing to reconcile with you

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