ONE MIND by Dr. Shah, Clearview Church, Henderson, NC
Introduction: How many of you have heard the fable of the frog and the scorpion? A scorpion wanted to cross the river, but it could not swim. So, it asked the frog if he could ride on it’s back. The frog told the scorpion that he did not trust the scorpion on account of his stinger. The scorpion assured the frog that he wouldn’t do that since they both would drown. The frog agreed and started swimming across with the scorpion on his back. Halfway across, the frog felt the stinger in his back. As he was dying and they both were sinking, he asked the scorpion, “Why?” To which, he replied, “I can’t help it. It’s in my nature.” We are in our series through 1 Peter titled “TOGETHER FORWARD,” where Peter exhorted the believers to be of “ONE MIND.” Main point: Conflict emanates from our sinful, selfish nature and it is fueled by our failure to ask God for his will for us. Unfortunately, tendencies towards conflict start early and infect every aspect of life – family, church, community, workplace, and nation. Only those who are transformed by the gospel can truly have a one mind and transform conflicts into blessings.
1 Peter 3 8 “Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; 9 not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.”
Context: So far, Peter was helping the persecuted believers in Asia Minor to face the culture and society that was against them. He even addressed marriages that may have one partner who was unsaved. But now, he turned his attention to contention within the church. Normally, we would think that pressure from outside would make us even stronger, but that’s not always the case. If internally we do not have the right perspective and mindset, we will turn against each other and consume one other. In fact, that is what often happens in many families, churches, communities, and it is even happening to our nation. So, where do we begin?
- Source of Conflicts
James 4 1 “Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? 2 You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.” At the root of all our conflicts are sin and selfishness. It is inherent. It emanates from our nature. It is passed down from generation to generation. It is fueled by the enemy and the culture in which we live.
Unfortunately, it is found even among believers and it gives the Enemy the opportunity to come in and claim a foothold or a beachhead.
- Styles of Conflict Management
Some of you may be familiar with the Thomas-Kilmann Instrument, designed to measure a person’s behavior in conflict situations. “Conflict situations” are those in which the concerns of two people appear to be incompatible. The following is taken directly from https://kilmanndiagnostics.com:
In such conflict situations, we can describe an individual’s behavior along two dimensions: (1) assertiveness, the extent to which the person attempts to satisfy his own concerns, and (2) cooperativeness, the extent to which the person attempts to satisfy the other person’s concerns.
These two underlying dimensions of human behavior (assertiveness and cooperativeness) can then be used to define five different modes for responding to conflict situations:
- Competing is assertive and uncooperative—an individual pursues his own concerns at the other person’s expense. This is a power-oriented mode in which you use whatever power seems appropriate to win your own position—your ability to argue, your rank, or economic sanctions. Competing means “standing up for your rights,” defending a position which you believe is correct, or simply trying to win.
- Accommodating is unassertive and cooperative—the complete opposite of competing. When accommodating, the individual neglects his own concerns to satisfy the concerns of the other person; there is an element of self-sacrifice in this mode. Accommodating might take the form of selfless generosity or charity, obeying another person’s order when you would prefer not to, or yielding to another’s point of view.
- Avoiding is unassertive and uncooperative—the person neither pursues his own concerns nor those of the other individual. Thus he does not deal with the conflict. Avoiding might take the form of diplomatically sidestepping an issue, postponing an issue until a better time, or simply withdrawing from a threatening situation.
- Collaborating is both assertive and cooperative—the complete opposite of avoiding. Collaborating involves an attempt to work with others to find some solution that fully satisfies their concerns. It means digging into an issue to pinpoint the underlying needs and wants of the two individuals. Collaborating between two persons might take the form of exploring a disagreement to learn from each other’s insights or trying to find a creative solution to an interpersonal problem.
- Compromising is moderate in both assertiveness and cooperativeness. The objective is to find some expedient, mutually acceptable solution that partially satisfies both parties. It falls intermediate between competing and accommodating. Compromising gives up more than competing but less than accommodating. Likewise, it addresses an issue more directly than avoiding, but does not explore it in as much depth as collaborating. In some situations, compromising might mean splitting the difference between the two positions, exchanging concessions, or seeking a quick middle-ground solution.
Each of us is capable of using all five conflict-handling modes. None of us can be characterized as having a single style of dealing with conflict. But certain people use some modes better than others and, therefore, tend to rely on those modes more heavily than others—whether because of temperament or practice.
There are limitations to this model with regards to Low and High Cultures.
Some examples of conflicts in the Bible:
- Adam and Eve (Competition)
- Cain and Abel (Competition)
- Abraham and Lot’s herdsmen (Compromise)
- Jacob and Esau (Competition because of parental favoritism)
- Laban and Jacob (Avoidance)
- Leah and Rachel (Competition)
- David and Saul (Competition)
- Israel and Judah (Competition)
- Jesus’ disciples (From Competition to Collaboration) Mark 9 33 “…when He was in the house He asked them, ‘What was it you disputed among yourselves on the road?’ 34 But they kept silent, for on the road they had disputed among themselves who would be the greatest. 35 And He sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, ‘If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.’
- Greek and Hebrew believers in Acts (Collaboration)
- Paul and Barnabas (Compromise)
- Paul and Peter (Collaboration)
- Corinthian Church (Competition with hopes of Collaboration) – 1 Corinthians 3 3“for you are still carnal. For where there are envy, strife, and divisions among you, are you not carnal and behaving like mere men? 4 For when one says, ‘I am of Paul,’ and another, ‘I am of Apollos,’ are you not carnal?” 1 Corinthians 6 5 “I say this to your shame. Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you, not even one, who will be able to judge between his brethren? 6 But brother goes to law against brother, and that before unbelievers!”
- Solution to Conflicts
8 “Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, betenderhearted, be courteous…”
all of you be of one mind (homophron) = having a common heritage of faith and ethical tradition. Know what matters.
having compassion for one another (sumpatheis) = as a mother’s compassion for her children. Empathize.
love as brothers (philadelphus) = the special love bond of brothers, the fight against each other but also for each other. Love like brothers.
be tenderhearted (eusplanchnos) = compassion in the context of family relationships. Show mercy.
be courteous (philophronos) = friendly attitude, hospitality. Don’t cross the line.
If done right, the solution to conflicts can actually make conflicts a blessing!
9 “not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.”
It does not imply acceptance of abuse or illegal behavior. The point here is that you would not let bitterness and hate enter your heart. It can only happen when you pray for blessing on the other person.
Matthew 5 43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.
Personal Example of praying that someone who hurt me would be blessed physically, spiritually, and financially.
Invitation: How do you handle conflicts? Are you able to turn them for good? Do you need to pray for blessing on someone? Are you saved?