Keeping Intimacy in Marriage Part Six

KEEPING INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE – 6 by Pastor Shah, Clearview Church, Henderson

intimacy6

Today is our final message in this series called KEEPING INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE. Again, I’m amazed at how much you loved these messages and passed it along to friends and family! It tells us that there is a great hunger for truth about marriage and family.

Matthew 5   27 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.

Overall Background: The passage we just read troubled me a lot growing up. As a little boy, I remember my dad preaching on it several times and each time it left me more confused and worried and afraid. Why? Because I seriously thought that by the time I was 6 or 7, I’d be blind and by the time I was 10, I’d have both my hands chopped off. I would actually wonder – I know I can use my left hand to chop off my right hand but then how about my left hand? Maybe I can use my feet or maybe get a friend to do it. What in the world is Jesus talking about when he says – 29 “If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you…”

If there’s one sin that God takes very seriously, probably more than others, it is sexual sins. If there’s one sin that human beings do not take very seriously, it is sexual sins. We blame everything and everyone, other than ourselves. Unfortunately, the consequences are devastating and the penalty is severe.

Question: How seriously do you take sexual sins? How seriously do you take the sins of the body? Do you understand the tremendous consequences that follow sexual sins? Do you understand God’s wrath against sexual sins? Are you saved?

3 questions we’re going to answer about marriage from this passage:

QUESTION #1 – SHOULD WE PRACTICE SELF-MORTIFICATION? NO.

People throughout the history of the church have misunderstood this passage. A great example was the church father by the name of Origen from Alexandria, Egypt. First he tried to roll naked over sharp briars but when that didn’t work, he actually had himself castrated. Later on he was sorry that he had made that decision. Some circles still practice flagellations and wear cilices. Is this what Jesus was saying in this passage? The first thing to keep in mind is that self-mutilation is forbidden in the Bible. Deuteronomy 14:1 “You are the children of the LORD your God; you shall not cut yourselves…”

What exactly is Jesus saying in this passage? To answer this question, you have to understand the moral setting in the time of Jesus. Things weren’t much different than today. Most Greeks and Romans strongly condemned adultery. To say that someone was adulterous was considered a big insult. It was thought of as stealing. After all, a wife was considered to be a husband’s property. Looking at many of the ancient plays and dramas of the time, even the common public looked down upon adultery. Jewish people, especially, strongly condemned adultery. It was considered shameful.

Having said that, adultery was quite common back then. The Roman philosopher Seneca says that those who do not practice adultery stand out. Even the Jewish people had become more and more like their neighbors. They knew that the punishment for adultery was death by stoning but hardly anyone practiced it. That’s why when Joseph found out that Mary was with child, he decided to put her away quietly.

When Jesus was preaching against adultery, He knew what they were thinking. “Yeah, it’s wrong but that’s just the fact of life. Sometimes you just can’t help it. (Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge) It’s not really me but my flesh.” It’s like the little girl who got caught with cookie crumbs all over her face. Her mom said, “Did you get in the cookie jar?” To which she replied, “I was just walking by and my teeth got caught in the cookie jar.” What Jesus was saying was, “Oh so it’s not you but your eye and your hand that made you sin? Then why don’t you just pluck out your eye and chop off your hand.”

Question: Whom do you blame for your sin life? Do you blame your flesh or the world? Did the Devil make you do it? Do you take responsibility for your sin life?

QUESTION #2 – CAN SEXUAL SINS SEND US TO HELL? NO.

Twice Jesus says, “for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.” Even though we know that Jesus is being sarcastic, it still sounds like he’s saying, “If you don’t deal with sexual sins, you’ll go to hell.” Some people have used this passage to claim that – You can lose your salvation and go to hell if you fail to repent from adultery. Not true.

Background: God’s people throughout the ages have been distinct when it comes to how they view marriage. They looked upon it as a sacred institution given by God and should be lived and enjoyed with holiness and fear. Adultery was a mark of unbelievers. Not only did God institute strict penalty against it but also repeatedly he chastised His people to stay away from it.

Jeremiah 7   9 Will you steal, murder, commit adultery, swear falsely, burn incense to Baal, and walk after other gods whom you do not know, 10 and then come and stand before Me in this house which is called by My name, and say, “We are delivered to do all these abominations’? 11 Has this house, which is called by My name, become a den of thieves in your eyes? Behold, I, even I, have seen it,” says the LORD.

Malachi 2 13 And this is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of the LORD with tears, With weeping and crying; So He does not regard the offering anymore, Nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. 14 Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the LORD has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant.

Proverbs 6 32 Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his own soul. 33 Wounds and dishonor he will get, And his reproach will not be wiped away.

What Jesus was saying is “When will you realize that God hates adultery? How long are you going to keep making excuses for your sin? Don’t you know that people going to Hell act this way? When will you start taking sin seriously and repent before God?”

Listen to Paul in I Corinthians 6   9 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. But just when you think you cannot be saved, listen to the next verse – 11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.

Application: God is asking the same questions to each of us today – “When will we realize how terrible adultery is?” “Don’t you know that people going to Hell act this way?” Do you feel good about your behavior?

QUESTION #3 – ARE SEXUAL SINS WORSE THAN OTHER SINS? YES.

Background: Why are sexual sins so bad in the sight of God? God places a very high value on our bodies. Remember – Unlike the rest of the creation that God simply said, “let there be” and there it was; He actually made us in His image. Man and woman was the crown of God’s creation. Keep in mind that God is spirit who sees, hears, touches, and speaks. He made us to be just like him, to see, hear, touch, and speak, but with a bodily form. Somehow, God transferred His spiritual, eternal characteristics into a physical, tangible form. It’s mind blowing! Why? Because God wanted us to enjoy life! God could have made us just spirit but He wanted us to see and feel and touch and speak and connect in marriage. The human body is an amazing gift of God! It is God’s masterpiece and why not! After all, one day He would have to design one for His own Son!

Listen carefully – God holds the copyright and the title to every single human body. It belongs to Him. For us to misuse it is to misuse someone else’s property. Imagine if you loaned me a very expensive torque wrench and I decided to misuse and abuse it to drive a nail. What would you do? Hand it over. That’s why murder is punishable by death. Who gave you the right to end that body? That’s why abortion and euthanasia is wrong. That’s why adultery is so wrong because it defiles the body that is not yours to defile. Hence in the Old Testament it was punishable by death.

Listen to Paul in 1 Corinthians 6   18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Then to the Christian – 19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.

Application: What do you think about your body? Do you know that it is someone else’s property? What do you think about the body of another person, man or woman? Do you know that it too belongs to God?

The bigger question is – What do you do? Some Christians say – Didn’t Paul say in I Corinthians 9:27 I “beat my body into submission” and in Colossians 3:5 “put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire…” I remind them to read a few verses earlier in Colossians 2   20 Therefore, if you died with Christ from the basic principles of the world, why, as though living in the world, do you subject yourselves to regulations— 21 “Do not touch, do not taste, do not handle,” 3:1 If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. 2 Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. 3 For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. It’s not about gouging out your eye and chopping off your hand, it is about your eye and your hand and all of you belonging to Christ.

Application: Does your body belong to Christ? If you are saved, then you have been bought with a price. Is the Holy Spirit in control of your body? Are you saved?

DADS WANTED PART 2

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DADS WANTED – 2 by Pastor Shah, Clearview Church, Henderson

dadswantedparttwoThis weekend we’re again taking a break from our ongoing series on the Sermon on the Mount and completing part two of our message – “DADS WANTED.” As I mentioned last week, this subject is very dear to my heart – more important than being a pastor, more important than being a bible teacher, and it comes next only to my relationship with my wife. It’s my calling to be a dad to my children.

Proverbs 4 10 Hear, my son, and receive my sayings, And the years of your life will be many. 11 I have taught you in the way of wisdom; I have led you in right paths. 12 When you walk, your steps will not be hindered, And when you run, you will not stumble. 13 Take firm hold of instruction, do not let go; Keep her, for she is your life.

Overall Background: 10 Hear, my son, and receive my sayings, And the years of your life will be many. As you know, King Solomon spoke these words to his son Rehoboam. He was teaching him wisdom in the form of proverbs. He was teaching him about long life, hard work, money, honesty, relationships, bad people, and on and on in the form of proverbs. People often ask me – “Aren’t Proverbs more like principles rather than promises? Aren’t they more like general descriptions of life rather than guarantees of blessings?” I often hear that and so I point them to Jeremiah 18:18 which says,“…for the law shall not perish from the priest, nor counsel from the wise, nor the word from the prophet…” There were 3 ways in which God spoke to His people – Law from the Priest, Counsel from the Wise, and Prophecy from the Prophet. They’re all equally important. Proverbs fall under the category of Counsel. Since the word of God endures forever, proverbs also endure forever. But, you have to study them carefully and contextually. You have to study them like diamonds in the rough. Before you can put them in a glass case, they have to be cleaned, cut, and polished. Then, they are worth in the thousands and even millions. So also with these Proverbs – when you truly understand them and apply them, you can wear them like a diamond ring and a gold necklace and they will bring you infinite value.

Last time we looked at the first 5 letters where Solomon warned his son to avoid the wrong crowd, learn to seek wisdom, be merciful and truthful in order to be successful, appreciate discipline, and have a godly heritage. In the remaining 5 letters, he will be teaching his son the dangers of bad company, how to exercise self-control, and (the last 3 letters) how to have a happy marriage.

I said it before and I’ll repeat it again – America is in a crisis today – the crisis of fatherhood. The reason our young people and even adults are doing the things they’re doing is because there is no male in their lives to instruct them, to correct them, and to be there for them. America desperately needs some Solomons.

Application: Are you being the dad you’re supposed to be for your children? Are you teaching them godly wisdom? Are you modeling a godly lifestyle? Are you saved?

Again, 5 Reasons Dads are wanted:

I. DADS ARE WANTED TO TEACH CHILDREN TO CHOOSE THE RIGHT PATH. 

Proverbs 4 10 Hear, my son, and receive my sayings…14 Do not enter the path of the wicked, And do not walk in the way of evil.

Background: The wicked have a path that has been used for centuries. Just like some of our interstates today are sitting on the wagon trails that were actually used by the Indians before them. For centuries people have been walking on those paths and now they have become trails and roads and interstates. So also the paths of the wicked – people have been walking a certain way for centuries and thus the way of evil.

Solomon warns his son – 15 Avoid it, do not travel on it; Turn away from it and pass on. 16 For they do not sleep unless they have done evil; And their sleep is taken away unless they make someone fall. 17 For they eat the bread of wickedness, And drink the wine of violence. 18 But the path of the just is like the shining sun, That shines ever brighter unto the perfect day. 19 The way of the wicked is like darkness; They do not know what makes them stumble.

Application: Dads – do you take the time to teach your children about dangers of the wicked path? Are you walking in the wicked path?

II. DADS ARE WANTED TO TEACH CHILDREN SELF-CONTROL. 

Background: Now Solomon is telling his son – “Son, you have an enemy and it is YOU!”

First enemy: YOUR HEART – 23 Keep your heart with all diligence, (Keep – mismar. It means a prison or standing guard.) For out of it spring the issues of life. As Jesus said in Matthew 15:19 19For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies.

Second enemy: YOUR MOUTH – 24 Put away from you a deceitful mouth, And put perverse lips far from you. As Jesus said in Matthew 15:11 11Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man.”

We shape our words and then our words shape us. If you don’t like where you are headed, change the way you talk. Many of us are speaking our world into existence.

Third enemy: YOUR EYES – 25 Let your eyes look straight ahead, And your eyelids look right before you. Jesus said in Matthew 6:22-23 22“The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. 23But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness! Avoid looking at the forbidden fruit. That’s when Eve fell.

Fourth enemy: YOUR FEET – 26 Ponder the path of your feet, And let all your ways be established. 27 Do not turn to the right or the left; Remove your foot from evil.

Bottom line: Children have to be taught self-control and fathers are given that responsibility.

Application: Dads – Are you teaching your children to exercise self-control? Do you have self-control in your life? Remember – it is the fruit of the Spirit.

Now we come to the last 3 letters. They all address the same issue – Adultery. Would you agree that this is a big issue? Last week as I was looking at my newsfeed, I saw the headlines mega-church pastor resigns because of adultery. When I saw the name, my heart just sank. I couldn’t believe it. Not him. But sadly it was true. This subject is so important that Solomon devotes all 3 letters to it! Even though much of what he says overlaps, each letter has a distinct truth that needs to be emphasized.

III. DADS ARE WANTED TO TEACH CHILDREN THE DANGERS OF ADULTEROUS TALK. 

Proverbs 5 1 My son, pay attention to my wisdom; Lend your ear to my understanding, 2 That you may preserve discretion, And your lips may keep knowledge.

Background: Lips represent our words. Solomon is telling his son, “Watch out for your words.” In other words, “Don’t be impulsive and indiscreet in how you talk to the opposite sex.”

Did you know that most adulterous relationships begin not with the eyes but with the words? Something as seemingly harmless as “Boy, you look pretty. I hope your husband appreciates you.” Or for ladies – “If my husband was as nice as you…” Before you know it – there is an affair.

Who better to talk about this than Solomon! He had a way with words. He was a wordsmith. If you don’t believe that, read the Song of Solomon.

But there’s more – 3 For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey, And her mouth is smoother than oil; Meaning: Not only watch out for your own words but also watch out for the words of the immoral man or woman. They know how to use seductive words. Just like honey, their words our sticky and they fall one drop at a time (literally). They are relentless. Just like oil, her words are smooth and slippery.

Listen to what James 3:2 For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body. Meaning: If we can control your words, we can control our actions.

Application: Dads – what kind of words do you use around your children? How do you talk to your wife, their mother? They’re learning. How you talk to people on the outside?

IV. DADS ARE WANTED TO TEACH CHILDREN THE DANGERS OF ADULTEROUS THOUGHTS.

Proverbs 6 20 My son, keep your father’s command, And do not forsake the law of your mother…24 To keep you from the evil woman, From the flattering tongue of a seductress. 25 Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, Nor let her allure you with her eyelids.

Background: Now Solomon is going a step beyond and talking about lust. It involves thinking and daydreaming about the other person. Now you are in dangerous territory. When you begin to entertain and picture yourself with that person, it’s a matter of time before you fall headfirst into adultery.

What is the antidote? Remember the consequences that will follow if you keep on that path. 26 For by means of a harlot A man is reduced to a crust of bread; And an adulteress will prey upon his precious life. 27 Can a man take fire to his bosom, And his clothes not be burned? 28 Can one walk on hot coals, And his feet not be seared? 29 So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; Whoever touches her shall not be innocent. 32 Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his own soul. 33 Wounds and dishonor he will get, And his reproach will not be wiped away. 34 For jealousy is a husband’s fury; Therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.

Think about the consequences of adultery – destroy your marriage, destroy your children, destroy your testimony, and destroy the work of the church.

Application: Dads – do you take the time to warn your children about the dangers of delving in lust? Is there lust in your heart? When was the last time you repented before God?

V. DADS ARE WANTED TO TEACH CHILDREN THE DANGERS OF ADULTEROUS TRAPS.

Proverbs 7 1 My son, keep my words, And treasure my commands within you…6 For at the window of my house I looked through my lattice, 7 And saw among the simple, I perceived among the youths, A young man devoid of understanding, 8 Passing along the street near her corner; And he took the path to her house 9 In the twilight, in the evening, In the black and dark night. 10            And there a woman met him, With the attire of a harlot, and a crafty heart. 11 She was loud and rebellious, Her feet would not stay at home. 12 At times she was outside, at times in the open square, Lurking at every corner. 13 So she caught him and kissed him…21 With her enticing speech she caused him to yield, With her flattering lips she seduced him. 22 Immediately he went after her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, Or as a fool to the correction of the stocks, 23 Till an arrow struck his liver. As a bird hastens to the snare, He did not know it would cost his life. 24 Now therefore, listen to me, my children; Pay attention to the words of my mouth: 25 Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways, Do not stray into her paths; 26 For she has cast down many wounded, And all who were slain by her were strong men. 27 Her house is the way to hell, Descending to the chambers of death.

No one wakes up one morning and says, “I’m going to commit adultery.” It’s a word here, a thought there, and a step taken towords sin. If you think it’s not going to happen to you, think again. You will have to decide in your heart where you stand with lust. If the most beautiful and compatible woman were to walk in this room, what will you do? What if you feel that this is the one that you were supposed to be with? What if you feel a connection? What if you feel that you can be yourself around this one? It’s the lie of the devil. You are like an ox going to the slaughter. Wake up!

We need fathers who will not only talk about these things to their children but also live it out before them. We need fathers who are born again Christians. We need fathers who live by the Holy Spirit. We need fathers who are obedient to Jesus Christ and his word. We need fathers who are about the mission that God has given them to seek and to save that which was lost. We need fathers after God’s own heart.

Are you the father? Are you saved?

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