Train Up a Child (Article) by Abidan Paul Shah

TRAIN UP A CHILD (Article) by Abidan Paul Shah

(Published in the newspaper Daily Dispatch, Henderson on March 31, 2018)

Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he (she) should go, and when he (she) is old he (she) will not depart from it.”

Train Up a Child (1)The world is upside down. We have become W.B. Rands’ “Topsy-Turvy World” where “three times one was nine…the pony rode his master…the cats were afraid of the mouse…and the mamma sold her baby.” Now right is wrong and wrong is your right. The good guys are the bad guys and the bad guys are the heroes. Sin is freedom and morality is intolerance. As the late pastor Adrian Rogers would say, “sin that use to slink down the back alley now struts down the main street.”

As bad as all that is, we’ve hit a new low when children are being made to lecture adults on what’s right and what’s wrong! Now kids are being held up as spokespersons and activists against time-honored foundational values. There are some who are celebrating this but I believe that it will prove to be devastating to our kids as well as to our society and future. It is no different than giving those same kids a wire-stripper and setting them loose in an electrical panel or giving them a scalpel and letting them do critical surgery.

Train Up a Child (2)Don’t think for a moment that I am talking down about children. To the contrary, I am repulsed by the adage – “Children are to be seen and not heard.” Jesus welcomed children. He compared the reception of his kingdom to the humility of a child. He threatened those who would hurt children with the severest punishment. Repeatedly, the Bible commands us to treat children with the utmost respect and care. This requires that we understand that what they truly deserve and desire from us is right training. Proverbs 22:6 lays out the 4 non-negotiables in this process:

  1. The Child – The Hebrew word is “nahar,” which can mean anywhere from an unborn child to a young person. From the context, it is obvious that the training has to begin as early as possible. Delay in training will diminish the promise. Children are like a garden. The longer you let it go, the harder it is get it back.
  2. The Way – There are only 2 ways in life. The first is God’s Way and the second is the Sinful Way. One leads to life and the other to destruction. Once on the right way, you cannot keep going back to the wrong way and still expect to get to your destination.
  3. The Training – Read Deuteronomy 6:6-9. It is not a one-time event but a 24/7 job. It is not accidental but intentional. It is not irrational but logical. It is not authoritarian but empathetic. It is not cherry picked but balanced. It is not harsh but firm. It is not disheartened but patient.
  4. The Trainer – Training is more caught than taught. In other words, it’s not enough to just preach at your kids. You have to practice what you preach. Doing immoral and unethical things and warning your kids not to does not work. Dropping your kids off at church as you squeal your tires out of the parking lot does not cut it. As someone wisely said, “whatever you do in moderation, your children will do in excess.” You want your kids to follow Christ, then you follow him. If you do those 4 non-negotiables correctly, then only the promise is that those kids may lose their way but they will be back.

If Neil Postman was right that “Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see,” what message are we giving to our kids? I see a bright future ahead as more and more parents are rising up and taking their rightful roles as trainers and models to their kids.

Training Part Two by Pastor Abidan Shah

TRAINING Part 2 by Pastor Shah, Clearview Church, Henderson

Training 2

Introduction:  I don’t usually use movie illustrations but just for today, can you identify which movie this line comes from – “No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher.” How about “Wax on, wax off.” It’s from the popular 80’s movie “Karate Kid.” I love that line because it truly explains why kids do what they do. You could say, “No such thing as a bad kid, only bad parents.” Last week we looked at Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he (she) should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” We focused on 4 things in that verse: Child, Way, Training, and Promise. In today’s message we will focus on the fifth element that we briefly touched on – the Trainer, the parent.

Psalm 50    16 But to the wicked God says: “What right have you to declare My statutes, or take My covenant in your mouth, 17 Seeing you hate instruction and cast My words behind you?”

Question:  You cannot hate God’s word and disobey it and tell your kids to love God’s Word and obey it in their lives. They will do what you do. Do you love and obey God’s word? Have you received the Word of God, Jesus, as your Savior? Are you saved?

Bridge: Last week I briefly touched on the character of the trainer. I even gave the example of King David and how he failed to be a good father. In today’s message, I want to step back and try to understand why and how David lost his way. This is important because a parent cannot train the child in the way if he/she has lost the way. To understand this, we have to turn to Psalm 50. You may not know this but scholars in recent years have come to realize that the Book of Psalms is not just a random collection of the songs of Israel. There is an order to them. If you want to know why David sinned and had to repent in Psalm 51, read Psalm 50. How do we know that? To start with, there are many similarities in words and concepts between Psalm 50 and 51. But, there’s something more. Psalm 50 begins with the title “A Psalm of Asaph.” Asaph was a worship leader appointed by King David and a wonderful composer. In fact, he composed Psalms 73-83. What’s really interesting is that Psalm 50 is not in that collection. It appears that someone took it and placed it before Psalm 51. I believe the Holy Spirit did that. Why is that? To give us an insight into why and how David lost his way. I don’t have time to go into the whole psalm. Asaph addressed 2 groups of people in this psalm. First, he addressed the righteous people and reminded them of God’s blessings and promises. Then, he addressed the righteous who had turned to wickedness and reminded them of God’s discipline if they didn’t repent. This is what happened to David.

Starting in verse 16 But to the wicked (righteous) God says: “What right have you to declare My statutes, or take My covenant in your mouth, 17 Seeing you hate instruction and cast My words behind you? God is confronting those wicked righteous who declare his words and speak his truth but lately they have come to despise his word and disregard his truth. God is telling them that unless they have the right attitude towards his word, they have no right to declare his words. In other words, I lose the right to preach God’s word and demand obedience if I reject it in my life. David was the sweet psalmist of Israel who had an incredible love for God’s word. Listen to Psalm 19   7 “The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul; The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; 8 The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; 9 The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; The judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether. 10 More to be desired are they than gold, Yea, than much fine gold; Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. 11 Moreover by them Your servant is warned, And in keeping them there is great reward. 12 Who can understand his errors? Cleanse me from secret faults. 13 Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins; Let them not have dominion over me. Then I shall be blameless, And I shall be innocent of great transgression. 14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.” Wow! For whatever reason, lately he hasn’t had the same love for God’s word. When we begin to lose our love for God’s word, it’s a sign that something is horribly wrong. By the way, this is how sin entered the world when Adam and Eve questioned God’s Word and disobeyed him. That old adage is still true – “This book will keep you from sin or sin will keep you from this book.”

How does this apply to training our children? Imagine if I were to take my children to my favorite restaurant and tell them that it’s awesome and they need to try this dish or that but when the food came, I made the ugliest face and as I was walking out, I threatened them to eat it all! How do you think they’d respond? Confused, frustrated, and angry. There are people who want their children and grandchildren to go to church, Sunday School, Blaze, AWANA, children’s camp, youth retreats but they themselves could care less about God’s Word, preaching, Sunday School, Bible Study, and all of that. What do you think is going through their kids minds?

Let’s go back to Psalm 50. When you turn away from God’s Word, it opens the floodgate to sin. Listen to the list of sins that follow. By the way, they are a clear violation of the Ten Commandments, especially 7-10.

  1. Sin of Stealing – 18 “When you saw a thief, you consented with him…” Stealing is a violation of the 8th commandment in Exodus 20:15 “You shall not steal.” With no word in your life, you start “consenting,” the Hebrew word “ratsa” means be accepting, be pleased, get along very well with people who steal. Stealing doesn’t have to be pickpocketing or holding up a bank. You can steal money or time from your employer, employees, family, friends, and even God.
  2. Sin of Adultery – 18 “…and have been a partaker with adulterers.” This is a violation of the 7th and the 10th commandment in Exodus 20:14 “You shall not commit adultery” and Exodus 20:17 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.” With no word in your life, you start “partaking,” the Hebrew word is “khalak,” which means “common ground.” Adultery never starts out with an outright affair. Many times, it starts out with being with people who condone and even justify adultery. They watch adulterous shows and read adulterous books and admire adulterous lives. All because the standard of God’s word is absent from your life.
  3. Sin of Slander – 19 “You give your mouth to evil, And your tongue frames deceit. 20 You sit and speak against your brother; You slander your own mother’s son.” This is a violation of the 9th commandment in Exodus 20:16 “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.” I think we can add to this the 6th commandment in Exodus 20:13 “You shall not murder.” The word for “slander is the Hebrew word “dopeh,” which means you sit there finding faults in everyone. Some people may not do any physically assassinations but they do plenty of character assassinations. They gossip against others. They spread rumors against others. They spew bitterness towards others. You cannot be saved and be forever bitter and unforgiving towards others.

What will God do about it? 21 These things you have done, and I kept silent…” Just because God does not immediately deal with your sin does not mean that he approves it. Silence is not approval. When we are silent, we are approving. When God is silent, he is extending mercy. But listen to what God concludes – 21 “…You thought that I was altogether like you…” This is the sin of misrepresenting God because it suits your purpose and your love for your pet sin. Think about it – Parents are like gods to children. When we start making God in our image, imagine the confusion that it causes for the children.

Application: Do you twist the Bible to justify your behavior, your sin? The worst thing you can do to any person is misrepresent him/her. Yet, people do that to God to justify their sinful action and lives. This is especially dangerous when it comes to our children.

What is the consequence? 21 “…But I will rebuke you, and set them in order before your eyes.” If you are a child of God, the Holy Spirit will not let you off easily. He will convict you and expose to you the error of your ways. What if you still don’t change? 22 “Now consider this, you who forget God, Lest I tear you in pieces, And there be none to deliver:” Now it’s no longer private but public exposure. The old principle is true – “You uncover your sin and God will cover it. You cover your sin and God will uncover it.”

Here’s the solution – 23 “Whoever offers praise glorifies Me; And to him who orders his conduct aright I will show the salvation of God.” What will you do? True praise cannot come from a contaminated, sin-filled heart.

Invitation: What kind of a trainer are you? Do you love God’s Word? Do you obey God’s Word? Are you saved?

Training by Pastor Abidan Shah

TRAINING by Pastor Shah, Clearview Church, Henderson

Training

Introduction:  I appreciate our basketball coaches. It’s amusing to watch them, especially when the kids are not doing what they’re supposed to. A psychology professor asked his students, “What do you call someone who one-minute walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs, and the next sits in a chair crying uncontrollably?” Someone in the back answered, “A basketball coach.” So also, in life, there are many parents who walk back and forth on the sidelines screaming one minute, crying the next, and wondering why their children are doing what they’re doing in the game of life. Hopefully, today’s message titled “TRAINING” will help us. The basic premise of the message is this – “God has ordained parents to be the primary coaches in a child’s life. How you (parents) train your children is how they play the game of life.” Please don’t misunderstand – the goal of this message is not to cause you more pain if your children are not where they need to be. Instead, it’s to help you understand them and pray for them better. Also, I am not preaching as an expert but as a fellow coach in the game of child-rearing.

Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he (she) should go, and when he (she) is old he (she) will not depart from it.”

Question: “You cannot show the way unless you know the way.” Jesus said in John 14:6 “I am the way, the truth, and the life…” The true way of life is Jesus. Do you know him?

Context: Before we dive into this message, there are 2 things I want to clarify:

  1. Some people think that proverbs are not promises. They’re just general observations, common sense tips, or practical suggestions for everyday life. I disagree. Solomon begins this book by pointing out in Proverbs 1:7 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge…” Then 13 more times throughout the book that phrase “fear of the Lord” is found. There are many proverbs in the world and some may even sound like the ones in the Bible but the reason those in the Bible are in the Bible is because God chose them as his Word. They are God’s truth that have stood the test of time. They are promises.
  2. Some people claim that the traditional understanding of Proverbs 22:6 is incorrect. In recent years, it has been claimed this proverb and it’s not about a child’s moral and spiritual upbringing. I have studied this proverb in Hebrew and in its context, it is exactly what it has always meant. Basically, there are 4 parts to this simple proverb:

1. Child – “Train up a child.” The Hebrew word is “nahar,” which can mean anywhere from an unborn child to a young man. However, in this context, the emphasis is on training early. Psychologists and educators are divided over the age at which a child’s behavior is set (4, 7, or 18 years). Children to me are like sweet gum trees. The longer you let them go, the more nuisance they cause. You can try to cut them down but not before you break a few blades and even chop off your own hands. The sooner you begin with your children, the better are your chances to train them in the right way.

2. The Way – “Train up a child in the way” Repeatedly, in Proverbs, Solomon talks about 2 ways – God’s Way and the Sinful Way. The first one comes from the Bible, and the second one comes from the world. The first one leads to blessings and the second one leads to destruction. Listen to these proverbs — 1:15 “My son, do not walk in the way with them (sinful men), Keep your foot from their path.” 3:31 “Do not envy the oppressor, And choose none of his ways.” 4:11 “I have taught you in the way of wisdom; I have led you in right paths.” 10:29 “The way of the Lord is strength for the upright…” 14:12 “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.” 23:19 “Hear, my son, and be wise; and guide your heart in the way.” Parents – You have been ordained by God to lead your children in the right way, God’s way, the way of truth. Most parents misunderstand what this means. They look at a child’s life like a pie with each slice representing a key aspect of their lives – education, athletics, music, relationships, career, and faith. Unfortunately, in time, the other slices take over the faith slice. Here’s a better way – faith is the dough of the pie which then gets divided into the athletic slice, education slice, music slice, relationships slice, and career slice. The Way is not a balanced life with a dash of God. It is the heart, the center, from which everything flows out. It is a lifestyle. Your child is not a good student, a good athlete, a good musician, and, oh yes, a good Christian. Instead, your child is a Christian who is a good student, a good athlete, a good musician, etc. Training the child in the way is leading your child in lifestyle, a mindset, a worldview that is godly.

3. Training – The Hebrew word is “chanok,” which is a rare word found only 4 times in the Old Testament. It refers to the dedication of a building. Just like a house is dedicated to living, a temple is dedicated to worshipping, and an altar is dedicated to sacrificing, the child is also dedicated by the parents to walking in the right way. But unlike an inanimate building, the child grows and has a personality, feelings, will, desires, and temptations. That’s why a child has to be dedicated daily, which is another word for training. Deuteronomy 6 gives us a good model for how to do this dedication/training – 6 And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. Here are some points:

  • Training is not a one-time event but a 24/7 job. Cannot train if you’re always gone.
  • Training is not accidental but intentional. Seek every opportunity, especially meals.
  • Training is not authoritarian but empathetic. Their world and struggles are tougher.
  • Training is not irrational but logical. Don’t say “Stop asking dumb questions.”
  • Training is not cherry picked but balanced. Not just the bad. Give Law and Grace.
  • Training is not harsh but firm. Age appropriate discipline. Spanking vs losing things.
  • Training is not disheartened but patient. Tell it, tell it again, and keep telling them.
  • Training is not just taught but caught. Not “do as I say, not as I do.” It’s not enough to drop your kids off at church. You have to go as well. You have to receive Christ as your Savior as well.

4. Promise – “and when he (she) is old he (she) will not depart from it.” Now comes the tough question – “Why do children depart even when the parent has trained the child from the early age in the right Way?” There’s a lot of misunderstanding here. There are actually 2 kinds of departing:

Losing Their Way Rebelling Against Your Way
Behavior: Pushing the limits, Peer pressure, Experimenting, Lust, Secretive Behavior: Anger, Hate, Bitterness, Pain, Unforgiveness
Source: Lures of the World, Deceitfulness of Life, Wrong Crowd, Freedom Source: Hypocrisy, Legalism, Harshness in Parents, Church, and Religious Institutions
Attitude towards Parents, Church, & Authority: Shame, Conviction, Avoidance Attitude towards Parents, Church, & Authority: Disrespect, Belligerence, Anger
Example: Solomon – from David’s adultery with Bathsheba, Uriah murdered, death of a newborn. Became the wisest man, wrote Proverbs, Song of Solomon, Ecclesiastes but had 700 wives and 300 concubines. He did not rebel but lost his way. Secret – David’s repentance in Psalm 51. Example: Absalom – 3rd son of David through Maacah (8 wives, adulterous), killed his brother Amnon who had raped his sister and David didn’t do anything, set himself as judge, David had to flee, mourned his death but never reconciled. No Psalm 51.
Return: They’ll be back! Hang on to the Promise. Return: Chance are low because of their impression of the Way.

Note: There is another group that I need to bring up. They are neither “Losing Their Way” nor are they “Rebelling Against Your Way.” They are just “Confused About Your New Way.” Where you were spiritually when you were raising them is not where you are spiritually today. You raised them with a dash of spirituality, a dose of Christianity. You took them to a church where faith was dead, lukewarm, ritualistic, and full of doublespeak. Now you are in a church where your faith is focused upon Christ, grounded in the Word, led by the Spirit, and full of spiritual fire. Your kids are wondering – “What happened to mom and dad? Did they join a cult!” What is needed is for them to catch up with Your New Way.

What do you do for these 3 groups?

  • “Losing Their Way” – Show Love and Forgiveness, Be Patient, and Pray that they will Return to Christ Soon
  • “Rebelling Against Your Way” – Ask God’s forgiveness, Ask Your Children’s Forgiveness, and Pray that they will Meet Christ
  • “Confused About Your New Way” – Invite them to get to know your New Way but be Patient with them, Pray that God will use your example to show them Christ.

Invitation: Do you know the Way? Again, in John 14:6 Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” Here’s what happens when you receive Jesus as your Savior – I Corinthians 1:30 “But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God—and righteousness and sanctification and redemption.”

Have you lost your way? Prodigal Son – “Give me the portion of goods that falls to me.” Journeyed to a far country, wasted everything, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you”, When he was still a great way off, his father was waiting!

Raising Overcomers by Pastor Abidan Shah

RAISING OVERCOMERS by Pastor Shah, Clearview Church, Henderson 

Raising Overcomers

Introduction: When it comes to raising children, there are photographers and then there are instructors. There’s a big difference between those two. Once a student pilot was waiting for his lesson when suddenly a man jumped in the cockpit and said, “Let’s head towards those mountains to the south and then fly as low as you can over the lake.” The student took off and the man started taking pictures. After a while the student asked, “Do you always take pictures when you give flight lessons?” “Flight lessons? I’m just the photographer for the newspaper.” The student replied, “If you’re not the flight instructor, then you probably can’t tell me why these red lights are flashing, can you?” Today’s message is on raising children who overcome in life. Just like the opening anecdote, some parents are just photographers. They only capture what they encounter in the journey of life. Other parents are instructors. They teach their children how to navigate through the trials in life. Today’s message is titled “RAISING OVERCOMERS.”

Genesis 37   23 So it came to pass, when Joseph had come to his brothers, that they stripped Joseph of his tunic, the tunic of many colors that was on him. 24 Then they took him and cast him into a pit…28 Then Midianite traders passed by; so the brothers pulled Joseph up and…sold him…And they took Joseph to Egypt. Genesis 50:19-20 Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid…you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.”

Question: It’s no secret that life is full of trials. Job, the oldest book in the Bible, reminds us in 14:1 “Man who is born of woman is of few days and full of trouble.” Even Jesus says in John 16:33 “…In the world you will have tribulation…” The point of this sermon is this – It’s not enough to acknowledge that life will bring trials and tough times. As parents and adults, God has entrusted us to teach our kids to become overcomers. Are you teaching the kids and the young people in your life to become overcomers? Are you an overcomer? By the way, please don’t confuse overcoming with enduring. There’s a big difference between them: Enduring is “I’ve been there and I have a T-shirt to prove it.” Overcoming is “I’ve been there and I have a godly character to prove it.” Meaning: I’m more like Christ having been through trials. Are you saved? Are your kids saved? Before they can be overcomers, they have to be overcome by the gospel. In this message we will see how Jacob the overcomer taught his son Joseph to overcome.

Context: As you know, we’re in our series on the family, looking at the family of Abraham and Sarah through Genesis, looking at their good and bad decisions and the impact their decisions had over the later generations. Now we come to a very prominent figure in this family: Joseph. He was one of the twelve sons of Jacob. His brothers hated him and sold him into slavery. He was dragged off to Egypt where his master Potiphar’s wife falsely accused him of trying to rape her. He was unjustly thrown into prison where he helped fellow inmates, but one of them forgot to return the favor. These are just some of the struggles that the Bible tells us. Who knows what else happened to him. All this could have destroyed him. Instead, Joseph overcame all of these trials and in God’s sovereign plan became second in command to Pharaoh. How did he do that? 4 reasons:

  1. He was taught the value of being trustworthy.

Genesis 37:2 “Joseph, being seventeen years old, was feeding the flock with his brothers. And the lad was with the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father’s wives; and Joseph brought a bad report of them to his father.”

At first glance, Joseph sounds like a tattletale. No one likes a tattletale, a snitch. As a teacher, you know how it is when kids run to you and tell on someone. We tell them to mind their business. The difference between a tattletale and a trustworthy person is this: A tattletale wants to make himself look good but a trustworthy person wants to make his superior look good. Jacob knew the difference and he valued the trustworthiness of his son. This is going to be very important one day for Joseph when he would have to work for Potiphar and then for Pharaoh. They knew they could trust Joseph. They could see integrity in his eyes. Teach your kids the value of being trustworthy.

  1. He was loved and affirmed by his father.

Genesis 37:3 “Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age. Also he made him a tunic of many colors.”

Again, at first glance, this sounds like favoritism but it’s not. If this were favoritism, the Bible would have condemned Jacob but it doesn’t. Neither does it mean that Joseph was the baby of the family and hence Jacob loved him. If that were true, then Benjamin, Joseph’s younger brother, should be the one to get Jacob’s special attention. I believe that “son of his old age” implies a son who brought comfort and joy to his father. Jacob also affirmed Joseph’s character by giving him a special coat. By the way, it was not a “coat of many colors” but in Hebrew it is a “coat that extended to the palms and the feet.” It was a ceremonial coat that implied authority and power. Jacob was affirming that God had great things in store for Joseph. Can you imagine where Joseph would’ve been if all he felt was the hatred of his brothers? An important warning: What I’ve often seen is that parents favor the child who gets into trouble or who fails to do well in life. Nothing is wrong with that. God does that with us when he leaves the 99 and goes after the one lost sheep or throws a party for the prodigal son and not the faithful elder brother. But, it’s just as important to show your love and affirmation to the good child.

  1. He was taught to face rejection in the face of truth.

Genesis 37   4 But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peaceably to him. 5 Now Joseph had a dream, and he told it to his brothers; and they hated him even more. What was the dream? They are in the field binding sheaves and his sheaf stood tall and the others bowed down to his. What was their reaction? 8 And his brothers said to him, “Shall you indeed reign over us?…So they hated him even more for his dreams…

Again, at first glance, it sounds like either Joseph knew how to aggravate his brothers or that he was completely clueless. Why would you share things with your brothers and have them hate you more each time? Unless…this dream was meant to be shared. Unless…God had instructed Joseph to share this dream with his brothers.

Genesis 37   9 Then he dreamed still another dream and told it to his brothers…” This time it was about the sun, moon, and eleven stars bowing before him. Even Jacob was aggravated with him at first but then listen to verse 11 And his brothers envied him, but his father kept the matter in mind.

I believe that when it says that Jacob “kept the matter in mind” that he prayed for his son – “God, if you are the source of these dreams then let my son stand his ground and never give up.” This would be very important when he had to interpret the dreams of the Chief Butler and the Chief Baker. One dream was good and the other bad. The Bible doesn’t tell us but I feel that Joseph probably did that for others as well and gained the reputation of an uncompromising dream interpreter. If he had been scared to share the truth with his brothers, he would’ve never been brought before someone as powerful as Pharaoh. Teach your children to be willing to face rejection when telling God’s truth.

  1. He was pushed out of the shelter of his home.

Genesis 37   12 Then his brothers went to feed their father’s flock in Shechem. 13 And Israel said to Joseph, “Are not your brothers feeding the flock in Shechem? Come, I will send you to them.” So he said to him, “Here I am.”

When we read that passage, we almost want to shout at Jacob – “Are you crazy! Don’t you know your sons! They’ll kill him!” And even if its not your sons, how about the bad people around Shechem! They still remember what your boys did to the entire city. Joseph gets to Shechem but his brothers are not there and he was just wandering in the field. Genesis 37:17 And the man said, “They have departed from here, for I heard them say, ‘Let us go to Dothan.’ ” So Joseph went after his brothers and found them in Dothan.

From the Valley of Hebron where Jacob and his family lived to Shechem was 50 miles. Dothan was another 14 miles to the north! Dothan was in a valley that connected the coastal plain to the Valley of Jezreel where Megiddo was. This area was the route leading to the International Highway headed towards Egypt. It’s no surprise that few verses later we read about the Midianite/Ishmaelite caravan passing by. Did Jacob not think about where he was sending his son! Did he not know that there were bad people in the world! Of course he did. About 30 years earlier, Jacob was also living under the shelter of his mother and had to be pushed out. Somehow he knew that Joseph had to grow up. Parents – be careful how much you shelter your children. You might be crippling them. Learn to lovingly but firmly push your children out of the shelter of the home.

I can go on and on but the true test of whether or not Joseph became an overcomer is not how he responded when he was sold into slavery or how he responded when Potiphar’s wife falsely accused him or how he responded when the Chief Butler forgot him in prison. The true test is how he responded when he saw his brothers again.

Genesis 45   3 Then Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph; does my father still live?” But his brothers could not answer him, for they were dismayed in his presence. 4 And Joseph said to his brothers, “Please come near to me.” So they came near. Then he said: “I am Joseph your brother, whom you sold into Egypt. 5 But now, do not therefore be grieved or angry with yourselves because you sold me here; for God sent me before you to preserve life….7 And God sent me before you to preserve a posterity for you in the earth, and to save your lives by a great deliverance. 8 So now it was not you who sent me here, but God; and He has made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house, and a ruler throughout all the land of Egypt.

Repeatedly, he tells them that it’s not them but God. That’s the mark of a true overcomer. You are more concerned about glorifying God than proving yourself or destroying your enemies.

Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. I John 5   4 For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. 5 Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?

Are you a photographer or an instructor? Before you can teach your children to be an overcomer, you have to overcome. Through Christ you can.

Parents Behaving Badly by Pastor Abidan Shah

PARENTS BEHAVING BADLY by Pastor Shah, Clearview Church, Henderson

Parents Behaving Badly

Introduction: I don’t know how your kids are but our kids love to hear stories about Nicole and I growing up. They love hearing about how mommy loved climbing trees and walking on top of the swing set instead of swinging on it. They love hearing stories of how dad tried joining the circus at five and ended up with a broken collarbone. Last week they were up laughing until midnight as we told them those stories from our childhood. I guess the thought of their parents acting crazy or getting in trouble brings comfort and joy to them! But what if those stories were still happening? What if Nicole was still walking on top of swings and I was still breaking collarbones trying to join the circus? That would not be funny anymore but embarrassing and painful, especially for the kids. Today’s message on the family is what to do about “PARENTS BEHAVING BADLY.”

Genesis 38   12   Now in the process of time…Judah’s wife, died…and (he) went up to his sheepshearers at Timnah…13 And it was told Tamar, saying, “Look, your father-in-law is going up to Timnah to shear his sheep.” 14 So she took off her widow’s garments, covered herself with a veil…and sat in an open place which was on the way to Timnah…15 When Judah saw her, he thought she was a harlot, because she had covered her face. 16 Then he turned to her by the way…

Question: God has appointed parents to lead their children, to be a model for them. He has designed them to be emotionally more mature than their kids. He has called them to be the standard of morality and integrity for them. He has entrusted parents to be the spiritual guides for their children. Unfortunately, some parents are emotionally unstable, morally objectionable, and spiritually incapable. Sometimes they make decisions and do things that are embarrassing and distressing for the children. It reverses God’s hierarchy and design for the family. How are your parents? Do you look up to them or do you shake your head at them? Do you admire them or are you ashamed of them? Some of you may not need this message but others know very well what I am talking about and it is very painful for you. Do your parents know Christ as their Savior? Do you? This message will help you relate with parents behaving badly.

Context of the Message: In our series on the family of Abraham and Sarah from the Book of Genesis, we now come to the fourth generation, to Judah, one of the sons of Jacob. He did something unthinkable. He had sexual relations with his own daughter-in-law who tricked him by dressing up as a prostitute. What in the world is going on! First, why would a daughter-in-law trick her father-in-law in such a horrible way? Second, why would a grown man, coming from a family that loves God, go to a prostitute? To understand this, we have to back up to the opening verses of Genesis 38:1 “It came to pass at that time that Judah departed from his brothers…” If you’ve been keeping up with this series, we skipped over chapter 37 that gives us the account of Joseph and his brothers, how Joseph had his dreams and his brothers hated him for that and one day when they had the opportunity, they sold him into slavery. Who was the brother who suggested this? It was Judah. He probably did that to save his brother’s life. The other brothers were bent on killing Joseph. Selling him into slavery seemed to be a much better alternative. At least, Joseph would still be alive. But, can you imagine the guilt and the shame Judah had to live with? He could still hear the shrieks and the cries of Joseph as he was being dragged away by the Midianite traders. The first thought when he woke up and the last thought when he lay down to sleep was “I wonder if he’s still alive…” Every day he had to see the tear-stained face of his father Jacob and every time he was tempted to just confess to him, one of the brothers would shake his head at Judah – “You better not…” Judah was probably angry, depressed, and miserable. He did not want to see their faces anymore and instead of confessing, he packed up and moved away.

Principle: Judah moved away because he thought that a change in location was going to change everything. Out of sight, out of mind. People do that all the time and they fail to realize that they are still the common ingredients in all their problems. Unconfessed sin always brings only unending sorrow. Listen to David’s prayer of confession in Psalm 32   3 “When I kept silent, my bones grew old through my groaning all the day long. 4 For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; My vitality was turned into the drought of summer.” Secret guilt will only lead to ceaseless grief, regardless of your location. Charles Spurgeon once said, “Now, it happens with some that, though they are conscious of sin, they do not confess it; and what is the result? Why, it increases their misery. It is impossible that you should find peace while sin continues to gather in your soul. It is a festering wound…So long as a man continues silent before God, and does not own his sin, if the Lord really has begun to deal with him, he will have to suffer more and more from the pangs of conscience.”

Judah married a Canaanite girl in this new place. There is no love mentioned in this relationship. He met her, married her, had sexual relationship with her, and they had 3 children – Er, Onan, and Shelah. Just like his marriage, nothing is mentioned about his relationship with his children. In verse 6 he arranged a marriage for Er, his oldest one, with a girl named Tamar. Bottom line: Judah was living a ho-hum life…until his actions from his previous life began to catch up with his present life. Listen to verse 7But Er, Judah’s firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD, and the LORD killed him.” The Bible doesn’t say what he did but it must have been serious enough for God to kill him, something he hasn’t done since the days of Sodom and Gomorrah.

Nothing is said about how Judah felt about this. All it says is that he ordered his second son Onan to marry Tamar and have a child with her according to levirate marriage, where the brother-in-law marries the widow of his brother to keep the family name going (Levir in Latin means “brother-in-law). Onan married Tamar but secretly deceived her and refused to have a child with her. Listen to verse 10 “And the thing which he did displeased the LORD; therefore He killed him also.” Wow! Why that serious? More than likely Onan didn’t want to give his brother any children. If he did, then he would lose his default inheritance. What he didn’t realize is that he was interfering with God’s plan of using the family of Abraham and Sarah to be a blessing to all the families of the earth. He was interfering with the gospel. I seriously doubt that in his guilt and shame Judah ever took the time to explain to his children the promise God had made to their family.

Question: How often do you talk to your children about the things of God? How often do you explain to them that the reason for your success is God’s hand upon you? How often do you challenge and encourage them to keep God first in their lives? Something else here – God was teaching Judah, “You took someone’s child. Now you’ll know what it means to lose a child.” Only sad part is that Tamar, the innocent bystander, was also suffering because of Judah’s sin from his previous life. Are your decisions bringing pain to some innocent person in your life?

Unfortunately, Judah did not learn his lesson. He continued his life of deception. He refused to let his third son Shelah marry Tamar for fear that he too might die. So he lied to Tamar and told her that once Shelah was older, he would marry her. Until then, she should go back to her parent’s house. He was thinking that with time she would forget or remarry someone back home and it’ll all be over. In the meantime, Judah’s wife also died. After grieving for her, he decided to go to Timnah at the sheep-shearing time. Tamar heard about it and embarked on a cruel scheme. We read this passage. She disguised herself as a prostitute, covered her face with a veil, and sat seductively at Enaim (lit. at the “opening of the eyes,” which could be the crossroads). Apparently, she knew her father-in-law very well. Sure enough he came by, saw her but didn’t recognize her. He made a proposition to her and she agreed for a young goat. As guarantee, he left his seal, cord, and staff with her. Here’s my question: What business did Judah have to go to a prostitute? He probably felt entitled to some good time. You can hear him say, “People don’t understand what I’ve been through. I just don’t care anymore. I’m not hurting anyone…”

Question: Do you use the same lines to indulge in sin? Do you feel entitled to sin because of all that you’ve been through? No matter what you’ve been through or what anyone has done to you, you are never entitled to sin.

Anyways, things are about to get complicated. Judah sent the young goat as he had promised but there was no prostitute. Judah didn’t care. “Let her keep it,” he said. But 3 months later, word got back to Judah that Tamar, his daughter-in-law, was pregnant. The cause was prostitution. Listen to his response: “Bring her out and let her be burned!”

Principle: Show me a person who is very legalistic and harsh about some sin and I’ll show you a person who is hiding a bigger similar dirty secret. The penalty for adultery later, according to the Mosaic Law, was death by stoning not burning. Reminds you of David when he stole Uriah’s wife and had him killed, doesn’t it? Don’t misunderstand, Moses, Jesus, and Paul were all hard against sin but it was always with a broken heart.

You know what happened next: Tamar sent word to her father-in-law that the man was the owner of the signet, the cord, and the staff. Judah immediately knew his guilt. He confessed. Long story short – Tamar had twins and the oldest one (Perez) became part of the genealogy of Christ. Matthew included this fact in his gospel to let people know that Mary was not the first one looked down upon in the birth of the Messiah. In other words, God worked all things together for good once again in his people’s life.

It is truly a sad sight when adults, especially parents behave badly. Here are some suggestions on what to do in those situations:

  • Know that they are just fallen human beings like yourself
  • Don’t put them on a pedestal nor fail to show them grace
  • Obey their godly teachings without following their ungodly examples
  • Remember that you are not to be blamed for your parents’ choices
  • Pray for them, especially if they do not know Christ

I Corinthians 6   9 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.

  • Trust that God will work all things together for good

Most importantly, be Christ-like and Christ-filled.

Too Old for Time Out by Pastor Abidan Shah

TOO OLD FOR TIMEOUT by Pastor Shah, Clearview Church, Henderson

Too Old for Time out

Introduction: Would you agree that parents sometimes say the funniest things? Here are a few that I’m sure you’ve heard at some point in time or you’ve said them:

  • “Don’t look at me with those eyes.”
  • “Quiet down, I can’t even hear myself think.”
  • “Don’t make me count to three!”
  • “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
  • “So if everybody jumps off the bridge, will you jump too?”
  • “Because I said so, that’s why!”

Unfortunately, there comes a day when it doesn’t matter what you say, kids do what they want to do. With that in mind, today’s message is titled, “TOO OLD FOR TIMEOUT.”

Genesis 34   25 Now it came to pass on the third day, when they were in pain, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah’s brothers, each took his sword and came boldly upon the city and killed all the males…27…and plundered the city, because their sister had been defiled…30 Then Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, “You have troubled me by making me obnoxious among the inhabitants of the land, among the Canaanites and the Perizzites; and since I am few in number, they will gather themselves together against me and kill me. I shall be destroyed, my household and I.” 31 But they said, “Should he treat our sister like a harlot?”

Question: How is your relationship with your children? More specifically, how is your relationship with your grown children? Are they at odds with you? Are you at odds with them? What have they done to disappoint you? Many years ago I heard someone say, “When your kids are little, they step on your toes. When they get big, they step on your heart.” What have they done to step on your heart? Are you saved? Are they saved? Leading them to Christ is the most important thing you can do for them. Today’s message will teach us what to do when our kids are too old for timeout.

Context of the Message: In the last message we saw how Jacob reconciled with his old foe, his brother Esau. His worst fears were over. It was time to head home. It was time to begin a new chapter in his life. But, unlike before, Jacob is very particular about doing things the right way. Listen to Genesis 33:18 “Then Jacob came safely to the city of Shechem, which is in the land of Canaan, when he came from Padan Aram; and he pitched his tent before the city.” Jacob remembered what happened to great uncle Lot who moved into Sodom and destroyed his family and he chose to live in a tent and stay outside the city. 19 And he bought the parcel of land, where he had pitched his tent, from the children of Hamor, Shechem’s father, for one hundred pieces of money. Jacob remembered how Abraham adamantly paid Ephron the Hittite for his field in Machpelah and the cave in it and he paid Hamor for the land near Shechem. Why? He didn’t want any obligation to the people of Shechem. 20 Then he erected an altar there and called it El Elohe Israel. This is very important. Jacob is again trying to follow in the footsteps of his grandfather Abraham and father Isaac. He is building an altar to the Living God just like they did everywhere they went. Remember in Genesis 12   7 Then the LORD appeared to Abram and said, “To your descendants I will give this land.” And there he built an altar to the LORD…8 And he moved from there to the mountain east of Bethel…there he built an altar to the LORD and called on the name of the LORD. Also, Genesis 26:25 “So he (Isaac) built an altar there and called on the name of the LORD…” The point is that Jacob is being very careful in making sure that he did not make the same mistakes as his ancestors made and he did everything according to God’s will.

Now, you would think that as long as YOU do your best to follow God, everything would be just fine. No. Two things Jacob failed to take into account: First, when God called him, he did not tell him to go only as far as Shechem. Listen to Genesis 31:13 “I am the God of Bethel, where you anointed the pillar and where you made a vow to Me. Now arise, get out of this land, and return to the land of your family.” Stopping at Shechem was partial obedience and partial obedience is still full disobedience. Second, Jacob did not taken into account that his kids were not little anymore. They’re growing up with a mind of their own and they’re about to make some very poor choices. Listen to what happens in Genesis 34   1 Now Dinah the daughter of Leah, whom she had borne to Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land. I looked at this infinitive phrase “to see the daughters of the land” in the original language and the better translation should be “to be seen among the women of the city.” A more idiomatic translation would be “to hangout with the young women of the city.” Why did Jacob allow this? Maybe, it was because he sent her to pick something up from the market. Maybe, it was because she was the only girl among all the children and he felt that she could use some friends. Maybe, it was because he didn’t know and she got permission from her mother Leah. Nonetheless, Dinah started hanging out with the girls of Shechem.

Here’s an old idiom – “If you lie down with dogs, you will get up with fleas.” Meaning: If you hang around with people who don’t believe like you do or live the same convictions as you do, sooner or later you’ll start believing and living as they do. You may say, “I’m trying to witness to them.” That’s great but unless you are actively leading them to Christ, they are subtly pulling you away from Christ. There’s no static middle ground.

What happened next? 2 “And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her and lay with her, and violated her.” Some people immediately think that Shechem raped Dinah. That’s not true. The Hebrew construction actually means that he took her, lay with her, and shamed her. In other words, this was a consensual act but it ended up making Dinah look bad. Four thousand years later, not much has changed – “A boy does something wrong and he’s called a ladies man but if a girl does the same thing, she’s called a tramp.” Let’s keep reading – 3 His soul was strongly attracted to Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the young woman and spoke kindly to the young woman. 4 So Shechem spoke to his father Hamor, saying, “Get me this young woman as a wife.” In other words, this could have a good ending after all.

Now word gets back to Jacob5 “And Jacob heard that he had defiled Dinah his daughter.” It is interesting here that the narrator does not tell us as to Jacob’s reaction to the incident. Was he mad? Was he sad? Was he glad? Was he shocked? Was he disappointed? Was he indifferent? Nothing is mentioned here. I believe if anything, he is worried. Any reaction on his part, good or bad, could cause his grown sons to react badly. If he acts as if it’s no big deal, then they would be angry with him. If he acts as if it’s a big deal, then they will take that as a signal to get revenge. In Jacob’s mind, all that could be done now was to keep calm and try to make the best of this situation.

Application: Some of you are angry with your parents for something they did or didn’t do in a situation. Here’s my word to you – “You’ll never truly understand what they had to face. They did the best they could under the circumstances. Show them grace.”

What’s next? The brothers find out and they’re shocked, hurt, and angry. Hamor, the guy’s father, comes over to talk to Jacob and offers a marriage proposal. He even removes all restrictions to trade, business, and purchase of land. “After all, we’ll be family.” The boy is at the meeting as well. Listen to him – 11 Then Shechem said to her father and her brothers, “Let me find favor in your eyes, and whatever you say to me I will give. 12 Ask me ever so much dowry and gift, and I will give according to what you say to me; but give me the young woman as a wife.” He’s in love all right. Now listen to the response, not from Jacob but from his sons, Dinah’s brothers – 13 But the sons of Jacob answered Shechem and Hamor his father, and spoke deceitfully, because he had defiled Dinah their sister. 14 And they said to them, “We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one who is uncircumcised, for that would be a reproach to us.” To cut to the chase, every male in your city has to be circumcised. The Bible does not tell us if Jacob was at this meeting or not. Either way, Jacob must have heard about the deal. He is a master deceiver and he knows what’s going on. His sons are making a wicked plan. If the people of Shechem refuse, his sons will take revenge on them for hurting their sister. If they accept…surely not every male in the city would agree to this…

Long story short – Shechem and his father went home and told the people of the deal and they all agreed to be circumcised! Go figure! 25 Now it came to pass on the third day, when they were in pain, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah’s brothers, each took his sword and came boldly upon the city and killed all the males. I don’t think it was just those two brothers by themselves. More than likely, they took the lead and some of the other brothers followed, as well as all their workers. Furthermore, this is not the twenty-first century with all the sterilizations and proper medications. More than likely, there were plenty of infections and fever. That’s why they strategically waited till the third day when the pain would be at its worst. 26 And they killed Hamor and Shechem his son with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah from Shechem’s house…27 The sons of Jacob came upon the slain, and plundered the city, because their sister had been defiled. 28 They took their sheep, their oxen, and their donkeys, what was in the city and what was in the field, 29 and all their wealth. All their little ones and their wives they took captive; and they plundered even all that was in the houses.

Word got back to Jacob of what they had done. Listen to Jacob’s reaction – 30 Then Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, “You have troubled me by making me obnoxious (lit. to stink) among the inhabitants of the land, among the Canaanites and the Perizzites; and since I am few in number, they will gather themselves together against me and kill me. I shall be destroyed, my household and I.” Previously, Jacob was afraid of Esau and his 400 men. Now, it is the entire nations of the Canaanites and the Perizzites! Furthermore, the word would travel to Esau of what Jacob and his sons had done and Esau would hate him again. But listen to the brothers – 31 But they said, “Should he treat our sister like a harlot?” In other words, they don’t care about the consequences of their decisions. They wanted revenge and they got it. Jacob doesn’t say anything because there’s nothing left to say. His sons are now too old for timeout.

But listen to the very next verse – Genesis 35:1 Then God said to Jacob, “Arise, go up to Bethel and dwell there; and make an altar there to God, who appeared to you when you fled from the face of Esau your brother.” Meaning: It’s time to move. I didn’t call you here anyways.

Let me give you a few suggestions on what to do when your kids are too old for timeout:

  • Let them know that their actions were wrong
  • Don’t resent your kids. Forgive them
  • Reaffirm your love for them
  • Admit that you have made similar mistakes as well
  • Give them the opportunity to make things right
  • Trust God that he will finish what he has begun in their lives
  • Pray for them

Train Up a Child by Pastor Abidan Shah

TRAIN UP A CHILD by Pastor Shah, Clearview Church, Henderson

Train up a Child

Introduction: Potty training can be a nightmare. We have four kids and I’d rather not tell you which one was a nightmare. One of them we really thought was going to go through high school in pull-ups! Very stubborn! This one would find new ways to hide from us. I remember Nicole would be in tears. Thank goodness when they finally got it! The best day of my life, probably next to the day I got saved and got married! I’m sure you would agree that when it comes to our kids, potty training is just the beginning. They need life training. Today’s message in our series on the family is titled, “TRAIN UP A CHILD.”

Genesis 25   21 Now Isaac pleaded with the LORD for his wife, because she was barren; and the LORD granted his plea, and Rebekah his wife conceived…24 So when her days were fulfilled for her to give birth, indeed there were twins in her womb. 25 And the first came out red. He was like a hairy garment all over; so they called his name Esau. 26 Afterward his brother came out, and his hand took hold of Esau’s heel; so his name was called Jacob…27 So the boys grew. And Esau was a skillful hunter, a man of the field; but Jacob was a mild man, dwelling in tents. 28 And Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game, but Rebekah loved Jacob.

Question: Do you believe that children can be trained and should be trained? Do you believe what the Bible says in Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it”? Are you doing all you can to train your children in the way they should go? Do you know the right way? Are you walking in the right way? Do you know Christ as your Savior? Are you saved?

Context of the Message: In this series, we’ve been studying the family of Abraham and Sarah through the Book of Genesis, looking at their good and bad decisions and the impact they had on the third, fourth, and even later generations. Now we come to the second generation, the family of Isaac and Rebecca. We’re going to learn from them not only how “to” train up a child but also how “not to” train up a child.

As we just read, Isaac prayed for his wife Rebekah to get pregnant and she did but then something began to happen. Listen to verse 22 But the children struggled together within her; and she said, “If all is well, why am I like this?” So she went to inquire of the LORD. 23 And the LORD said to her: “Two nations are in your womb, Two peoples shall be separated from your body; One people shall be stronger than the other, And the older shall serve the younger.” What’s going on here? 2 things. First, God’s plan of salvation was in motion. Paul explains in Romans 9  11 (for the children not yet being born, nor having done any good or evil, that the purpose of God according to election might stand, not of works but of Him who calls), 12 it was said to her, “The older shall serve the younger.” God had chosen the line of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob to bring his plan of salvation into the world. Even in the womb, Jacob was positioning himself to be the dominant one, according to God’s sovereign will and purpose. Don’t misunderstand: This choice/election was not unto salvation but unto service to bring Jesus into this world. Now, if you think that is unfair, think about what the Hebrews, the people of Israel, and the Jewish people endured through the centuries because of God’s sovereign choice.

Second, some of the children’s personalities were being manifested even before they were born. Listen again to 25 “And the first came out red. He was like a hairy garment all over; so they called his name Esau. The older one was red and hairy, kind of wild looking. The word for “hairy” in Hebrew is “sear.” So, he is named “Esau,” a wild man. 26 Afterward his brother came out, and his hand took hold of Esau’s heel; so his name was called Jacob.” The younger one came out clutching his brother’s heel, “aqeb,” and is named Jacob, a grasper. Here’s the point: Even before they were born, one was wild and the other was trying to be the leader and they couldn’t get along.

Principle: Kids don’t enter this world as a blank slate. They come with certain personality traits, some good and some not so good. Where do they get these personality traits? From God, of course, but also through the unique combinations from your family tree. For e.g. Have you ever seen one of your kids do something that reminded you of some family member who died even before they were born or someone who is living they’ve never met? One time Nicole noticed one of our kids walking around with their hands behind their back and she said – “Look! Who does that remind you of?!” Sure enough it reminded me of my dad and this child had never met my parents at that time!

Application: Kids have certain personality traits even before they come into this world, some good and some not. Get to know each of them individually. Once you see their bent, pray and seek God’s grace and wisdom to train them in the way they should go.

The rest of their personality traits come from the environment in which they live. Listen to Genesis 25:28 again, “And Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game, but Rebekah loved Jacob.” Many of us would agree that right there is one big way not to train up a child – “Don’t play favorites.” In psychology, the technical term is “differential parenting.” Unfortunately, parents do that a lot and I’m sure you would agree that it causes a lot of problems to the child who gets neglected. Why did Isaac favor Esau? The Bible says because he ate of his game. The English translation takes away the force of the original wording. In Hebrew the actual wording is “because game was in his mouth.” Meaning: The reason Isaac favored Esau was not because he was proud of his son’s hunting skills. Instead, Isaac must have been a hunter in his early days but now he could not get out there to track, kill, or clean the animal. Esau was a means to an end. Maybe Isaac is the reason Esau became a man of the field.

A Word to Parents: Nothing wrong with desiring your kids to be successful in academics, athletics, or business. But, don’t do it in order to live vicariously through them. Meaning: Your motives should not be to relive the glory days through your children. Your kids know that and so do people around you. It does more harm than good. By the way, it even negatively affects the kids you are favoring. Couple of years ago, the journal of Child Development had an article by Dr. Jennifer Jenkins, professor of human development and applied psychology at the University of Toronto, who researched hundreds of families and found that even the child who was favored struggled with uneasiness over the unfairness they witnessed in their parent. Some of them actually became quite antisocial. Favoritism is detrimental to the whole family, not just the neglected child.

Application: Have you been playing favorites with a child? If so, you need to seek the forgiveness of the neglected child. Have you been living vicariously through your children? You need to end that and seek God’s will for their lives. It may even be essential to seek the forgiveness of the child you have favored.

Why did Rebekah love Jacob? People have misunderstood what’s going on here. They think that each parent had picked their favorites. Isaac picked Esau and Rebekah picked Jacob. They tend to place both Isaac and Rebekah under the same guilt of “differential parenting.” Not true. If you read it properly, the Bible points the finger of guilt only towards Isaac and not towards Rebekah. If you notice, unlike a reason given for Isaac’s love for Esau, there’s no such reason given for Rebekah’s love for Jacob. Isaac is guilty not just for picking Esau to satisfy his taste buds but also for neglecting Jacob. Maybe Jacob was too soft and naïve for him. In other words, it’s not that Rebekah sided with Jacob but that she saw Jacob being neglected, saw his spiritual bent and gave him the spiritual encouragement he needed.

How do we know that Jacob had a spiritual bent? In the very next verse we hear of a very odd event. Genesis 25   29 Now Jacob cooked a stew; and Esau came in from the field, and he was weary. The Hebrew word for weary is actually “hayep” which could actually be translated “starving.” It’s a snickers commercial moment – “You are not you when you’re hungry.” 30 And Esau said to Jacob, “Please feed me with that same red stew, for I am weary.” The actual wording in Hebrew is “Let me swallow, please, some of that red stuff, for I am starving.” Then it says, “Therefore his name was called Edom.” Again, the emphasis is on redness. In ancient times, red or reddish brown was considered to be heroic. The point is that Esau was geared towards earthly awards and approvals. Isaac should have done something about this but he didn’t. 31 But Jacob said, “Sell me your birthright as of this day.” 32 And Esau said, “Look, I am about to die; so what is this birthright to me?” What was so special about his birthright? Whoever had the birthright would be part of God’s promise to Abraham of being a blessing to the world. Jacob wanted to be part of God’s plan of redemption through Jesus. 33 Then Jacob said, “Swear to me as of this day.” So he swore to him, and sold his birthright to Jacob. By the way, this was only half of what Jacob needed to be part of God’s plan of redemption. He had the “bekora” but he also needed the “baraka,” the blessing. Later, Rebekah helped Jacob trick his father by wearing Esau’s clothes and covering his hands and necks with goat’s hair. The Bible never condemned Jacob for doing that. Why? Because Jacob had the heart for the birthright. If it were left up to Isaac, he would have blessed Esau and really complicated God’s plan of redemption.

What happened to Esau? Hebrews 12:17-18 “…Esau, who for one morsel of food sold his birthright. For you know that afterward, when he wanted to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought it diligently with tears.” Isaac is to be blamed for this.

Who is responsible to train your children? You are. Here are a couple of principles:

  • Understand your child’s bent
  • Don’t play favorites
  • Encourage those with a spiritual bent
  • Generate spiritual bent in those who don’t
  • Ultimately, lead your children to Christ

Illustration: On this Mother’s Day, I think of Susanna Wesley. She married an Anglican minister by the name of Samuel. They hardly got along on anything. He couldn’t manage their finances and they were constantly indebt. They had 19 children. Ten of them died in infancy. One was crippled and another couldn’t talk until the age of six. Susanna was sick a lot. Once Samuel was even locked up for the debt. Twice their home burned down. Some say that it was probably by church members who were angry with Samuel over his messages. She tried to spend two hours a day in prayer. This was very hard to do with all the kids. So she would pull her apron over her head and pray. The kids knew not to disturb her then. Two of her sons – John Wesley and Charles Wesley became the founders of the Methodist Church.

Are you training your kids in the way they should go? Are you walking in the way you should? Are you saved?

Keeping Your Kids Out of Hell by Pastor Abidan Shah

KEEPING YOUR KIDS OUT OF HELL by Pastor Shah, Clearview Church, Henderson

Keeping Your Kids Out of HellIntroduction: Two years ago I preached a revival at Mt. Olivet UMC in Manteo, same church where Andy Griffith was a member. After the last night of revival, I decided to head back home. The pastor of the church tried to talk me out of leaving because there was snow in the forecast but I thought that I could beat it. I bought a large cup of coffee. The boys were with me and I set them up with their movies. It would be 12-1 at night when we got home, no big deal. Five minutes into the trip I realized – Big deal! Sleet, heavy snow, and my truck started skidding on that icy bridge. I couldn’t see past 5 feet in front of me. The bad part was that I was on a 3-mile long narrow bridge called the Alligator River Bridge! I’m sure there’s a reason why they call it that! I was so angry at my self – “What were you thinking?! Why didn’t you listen?!” I remember telling the boys, “I am so sorry” and I asked them to start praying. We finally made it off the bridge but it got worse. Now I was on the most desolate stretch of Highway 64 with swampland on either side and I couldn’t pull over. Also, I remember seeing a sign coming in like “Don’t disturb or feed the bears.” Some of you might say – “Oh bears are usually hibernating in the winter.” Not if you run into them with a truck! Have you seen “Open Season”?! By the way, isn’t it amazing that when you really need cellphone, there’s no service. Finally, I was able to call the pastor and he was able to get in touch with one of his pastor friends in Columbia or this could have gone really badly. The point is this – the fault was with me, not my boys. I led them into a situation that could have ended very badly. As bad as that was, it is much worse when parents lead their children towards hell. Today’s sermon on the family is titled – “KEEPING YOUR KIDS OUT OF HELL.”

Genesis 19   12 Then the men said to Lot, “Have you anyone else here? Son-in-law, your sons, your daughters, and whomever you have in the city—take them out of this place! 13 For we will destroy this place, because the outcry against them has grown great before the face of the LORD, and the LORD has sent us to destroy it.” 14 So Lot went out and spoke to his sons-in-law…and said, “Get up, get out of this place; for the LORD will destroy this city!” But to his sons-in-law he seemed to be joking.

Few questions: If you are a parent or a grandparent, how are you leading your children? Or how have you led your children? Are you serious about their eternal future? Are you doing all you can lead them to Christ? Do you know Christ as Savior? Are you saved?

As you know, we’re studying the family of Abraham and Sarah from the Book of Genesis and in this message we’re going to learn how they kept their kids out of hell. In order to get the right perspective, we’ll have to begin with Genesis 12:4 “So Abram departed as the LORD had spoken to him, and Lot went with him.” Lot was Abraham’s nephew. As I mentioned in the previous messages, I believe that Lot attached himself to Abraham in Haran, maybe because his own father had died earlier. There’s nothing wrong with that. But, unlike Abraham who got a call from God, there’s no mention of such a call in Lot’s life. This does not mean that he wasn’t saved. It only means that he was not ready to go further with God. But when he saw his uncle breaking camp, he decided to join the caravan. Everywhere Abraham went, Lot went with him and, every time God blessed Abraham, Lot managed to get in on the blessing. Bottom line: Lot was a coattail hanger. Who is a coattail hanger? This is a person who comes into your life and attaches himself or herself to you. They go where you go but they’re not where you are. They talk like you talk but they’re only copying you. They may even show some external improvements but they don’t have the same internal values and convictions. They simply hang on to your proverbial coattails.

Principle: Beware of coattail hangers. They have the potential to get you off course. You won’t see their true colors until you face some crisis together.

Question: Do you have a coattail hanger in your life? Are you a coattail hanger?

Let’s return to our account: Both Abraham and Lot’s livestock kept growing and there was a conflict between their herdsmen. So Abraham approached Lot and reminded him that they were family and there was no need to fight. Instead, he told Lot to pick the land he wanted first. Why did Abraham do that? Was it because he was a humble, peace loving, or generous man? It was much more than that. Listen to Hebrews 11   9 “By faith he (Abraham) dwelt in the land of promise as in a foreign country, dwelling in tents…10 for he waited for the city which has foundations, whose builder and maker is God.” Don’t misunderstand this. It does not mean that Abraham was a nomad, a Bedouin, who was content with wandering from place to place. It does not mean that Abraham was an idealist, who was looking for some magical city in the sky. What it means is that he wanted to be the citizen of a city of which God was the Founder and the Mayor. It means that he wanted to build his home and raise his children in a city whose vision and values were directed by God. Until he found that city, he was willing to live in tents. Again, please don’t misunderstand this. This does not mean that Abraham had the bumper sticker “Tent Life” on the backside of all his camels. What it means is that Abraham refused to submit to the sinful culture in which he lived.

Let me clarify: In this life, you’ll have to live in a city and buy or build a home. You will have to be involved in the world around you. You may have to send your kids to schools and colleges where you live. Nothing is wrong with that. Sometime people think that to follow God you need to get into communes or get into some time warp from 200-300 years ago. Not only is that odd but it goes directly against Jesus’ command to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world. We’re not to isolate ourselves from the world but to influence the world with the gospel. But there is a third category of people – they are those who instead of influencing the world get assimilated into the world. They are sucked into the temptations and lures of the world.

Question: Which one are you? Are you isolated from the world? Are you influencing the world? Are you assimilating or assimilated into the world?

Abraham was not an isolationist but an influencer but how about Lot? 10 And Lot lifted his eyes and saw all the plain of Jordan…” That statement reminds me of Genesis 3:6 “So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate.” So also 1 John 2:16 “For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world.” What did Lot see? 10 (He) saw all the plain of Jordan that it was well watered everywhere (before the LORD destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah) like the garden of the LORD, like the land of Egypt as you go toward Zoar.” Keep in mind that much more than the foliage and terrain is in view here. When Lot had followed Abraham into Egypt, he was so impressed and dazzled by the land and the culture that he never got over it. He longed to be in a place like Egypt! 11 Then Lot chose for himself all the plain of Jordan, and Lot journeyed east. What Lot didn’t realize is that by journeying towards Jordan he was exing himself out of God’s promise.

Principle: As a pastor for about 18 years I have seen people choose the greener grass, thinking that it would make them happy. They think it would be so much better for their children and their future. What they don’t realize is in the process they ex themselves out of God’s promise of protection and direction.

But that’s not the worst. 12 “…and Lot dwelt in the cities of the plain and pitched his tent even as far as Sodom. I think Lot saw in Sodom what he had seen in Egypt. It was a perfect place to be except for one problem – 13 “But the men of Sodom were exceedingly wicked and sinful against the LORD.” What was so bad about Sodom? Later you will see that this city became synonymous with homosexuality. Sometimes people say that homosexuality is a sin like any other sin. What’s the big deal? It’s a big deal to God. Romans 1 warns us that it is the last step on the way down. It’s the point at which God finally gives people over to their debased minds to destroy themselves completely. Why? We are made in the image of God. We are a copy of God. For a man to say he is a woman or for a woman to say she is a man is to say that the copy is faulty which implies that the original is faulty.

What’s the result? By the next chapter Genesis 14:12 Lot has become a citizen of Sodom. In Genesis 18 & 19 we hear that God himself came down (the pre-incarnate Christ) with two of his angels. It’s time for the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. But because of Abraham’s pleading with God, He instructed his angels to go in and rescue Lot and his family from Sodom. It is so bad in Sodom that the men of the city even came to gang rape the angels. After striking those evil men with blindness, listen to what they told Lot in Genesis 19   12 “…Have you anyone else here? Son-in-law, your sons, your daughters, and whomever you have in the city—take them out of this place! 13 For we will destroy this place…” What was the response? His son-in-laws laughed at him. They thought he was joking. Their wives (his daughters) probably laughed as well. As to sons, I believe that they were too far-gone. The only ones he could rescue were his wife and his two virgin (unmarried) daughters. Listen to verse 16 And while he lingered, the men took hold of his hand, his wife’s hand, and the hands of his two daughters, the LORD being merciful to him, and they brought him out and set him outside the city. I wish I could say, “then they lived happily ever after.” Lot begged the angels not to make him escape into the mountains but to stay in a small city nearby. But because he didn’t go far enough, he even lost his wife because she looked behind him and turned into a pillar of salt. Then you know how his daughters got him drunk and slept with him, giving birth to the Moabites and the Ammonites who were a thorn in the side of the people of God.

Principle: Many times people make decisions based on their material eyesight. They see something alluring and exciting and they go for it without any regard to what this would mean for the future of their marriage and children.

You want to keep your kids out of hell?

  • Stop being a coattail hanger
  • Lead them to the city which has foundations, whose builder and maker is God
  • Do whatever you can to keep them from Sodom
  • Be warned that there will be a fight
  • Stop lingering and negotiating with God

I knew of a family growing up who did the very same thing and lost it all.

Are you saved? Are you doing all you can to keep your kids out of hell

Children That Bring Delight by Pastor Abidan Shah

CHILDREN THAT BRING DELIGHT by Pastor Shah, Clearview Church, Henderson 

Children That Bring Delight.jpgIntroduction: This is the fifth message in our series on the Trinity called “Battle of the Gods.” These messages are deep but they are teaching us that the doctrine of the Trinity is not some stale concept from some forgotten councils but it’s the key to many of our problems today. In today’s message we’ll learn what the Trinity has to say to both children and parents and the message is titled “CHILDREN THAT BRING DELIGHT.”

John 5   30 I can of Myself do nothing. As I hear, I judge; and My judgment is righteous, because I do not seek My own will but the will of the Father who sent Me…36 “…for the works which the Father has given Me to finish—the very works that I do—bear witness of Me, that the Father has sent Me.

the-collapse-of-parenting-by-leonard-sax

The Collapse of Parenting by Leonard Sax

Bridge: Would you agree that children today are not like children 20, 30, 40, 50 years ago? In his recent book “The Collapse of Parenting,” noted family physician and psychologist Leonard Sax (By the way, I don’t agree with everything he writes.) talks about a six year old whose mother brought him because of a sore throat. When he told him that he would have to take a look at his throat, the mother asked the child’s permission – “Do you mind if the doctor looks at your throat for just a second, honey? Afterward we can go and get some ice cream.” Of course, the child told no and had to be restrained so the doctor could examine his throat. Sax says, “It’s not a question. It’s a sentence: ‘Open up and say, ‘Ahh.’ Parents are incapable of speaking to their children in a sentence that ends in a period. Every sentence ends in a question mark.”

What is happening to our children? Obedience has become optional or nonexistent. Parents are no longer authoritative or in charge. They are more like facilitators and advisors. Instead of teaching their child the difference between right and wrong, they are focused on making their children happy and boosting their self-esteem. Parents are afraid of being the bad guy. It’s not that they don’t spend time with their kids. They do but its not time having family meals or teaching about life. It’s time shuttling them from one extracurricular activity to the next. They are trying to give their children everything they didn’t have. If one of the parents tries to do what is right, the other plays interception and the one trying gives up. What parents don’t realize is that they are actually harming their children rather than helping them. Sadly, in some homes, the parent is more like the kid than the kid. Why would the kid obey? This happens in the projects as well as million dollar mansions. No wonder they seek the approval of their peers. Sax cites several researches to prove that this lack of parental authority is the cause of rise in obesity, anti-anxiety and ADD medications, disrespect (especially towards adults), why kids seem so fragile, and, if I may add, a sense of entitlement in the children. I don’t have time to analyze all the causes for this, which includes the breakdown of the marriage, mental and physical abuse, overdose of psychology, and lack of biblical truth. The point is this: Both children and parents in our culture desperately need help and the good news is – the answer is found in the triune God Himself. Just as Jesus brought delight to His Father, so also our children can bring delight to us when we follow Him.

Question: Has this hit a nerve for you? Has it struck a chord for you? Do you need God’s wisdom and guidance in your family? Are you open to God’s Word? Are you saved?

3 ingredients that help us raise “Children That Bring Delight”:

I. THE TRUE MODEL FOR PARENTS AND CHILDREN

30 “I can of Myself do nothing. As I hear, I judge; and My judgment is righteous, because I do not seek My own will but the will of the Father who sent Me…”

Background: Last weekend we learned that the Triune God created us in His image and designed us to reflect both equality and order in our marriage relationships. Just like the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are equal in essence but distinct in order, the husband and wife are also equal in essence but distinct in order. But there’s more. The Trinity is also the model for how parents and children ought to relate with each other in the family. Listen again to Jesus in verse 30 “…I do not seek My own will but the will of the Father who sent Me.” Even though the Father and Son are equal in essence, the Father tells the Son what to do and He does it. Our earthly families were designed to reflect the order in the heavenly family. Paul laid this out for us in Colossians 3   17 “And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. Meaning: Keep the Trinity in mind in everything you do. Now comes the application – 18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. 20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.” Meaning: The Trinity is not just the model for the husband-wife relationship but also for the parent-child relationship.

Now don’t misunderstand: The Father-Son relationship in the Trinity is not some detached spiritual order but God the Father actively loves God the Son and wants the best for Him. Listen to John 3:35 “The Father loves the Son, and has given all things into His hand.” Again, John 5:20 “For the Father loves the Son, and shows Him all things that He Himself does; and He will show Him greater works than these, that you may marvel.” Meaning: God the Father is not some detached and unemotional father to God the Son. He genuinely and actively loves the Son and wants to lift Him up in every way.

How about the Son? He does not grudgingly submit to the Father but He actually loves God the Father and wants to please Him. John 8:29 “…I always do those things that please Him.” Later He says in John 17 25 “O righteous Father! The world has not known You, but I have known You; and these have known that You sent Me. 26 And I have declared to them Your name, and will declare it, that the love with which You loved Me may be in them, and I in them.” Meaning: I know what a wonderful and loving father you are and I want everyone to know that too.

Application: What would happen if parents, especially fathers, were just like God the Father, loving and yet firm with their children? What would happen if the children knew that they were truly loved and honored their parents, especially their fathers, by obeying promptly, completely, and cheerfully? Fathers, do you actively love your children and truly seek the best for them as God the Father did for His Son Jesus? Children, do you ever brag about your parents, especially your fathers, the way Jesus did?

II. THE TRUE ESTEEM OF OUR CHILDREN

31 “If I bear witness of Myself, My witness is not true…”

Background: Keep in mind that the Jewish religious leaders were accusing Jesus of not only breaking the Sabbath but also making Himself equal to God the Father. When He says in verse 31 “If I bear witness of Myself, My witness is not true,” He is bringing up the Jewish law that you needed two witnesses to prove that someone was guilty or not guilty and you cannot be your own witness. Jesus was stating the obvious – “I cannot be my own witness.” Here’s the point: We’re living in a culture in which people are constantly justifying themselves and their actions. Jesus (being perfect) refused to justify Himself. He refused to self-validate.

But there was someone else who could justify on His behalf – John the Baptist. 32 There is another who bears witness of Me, and I know that the witness which He witnesses of Me is true. 33 You have sent to John, and he has borne witness to the truth. 34 Yet I do not receive testimony from man…” Jesus is saying here – “John the Baptist is telling the truth about me but I don’t need his help in clearing up my reputation.” Earlier in John 2, John the writer of the Gospel said the same thing about Jesus – 24 “But Jesus did not commit Himself to them, because He knew all men, 25 and had no need that anyone should testify of man, for He knew what was in man.” Jesus refused to take the validation of the good and the bad. Here’s the point: We’re living in a culture in which, other than self-approval, people are constantly looking for the approval of others. They are looking for others to justify and validate their actions. What do my friends say about me? How many likes did I get on Facebook or Instagram? How many people are looking at my stories on Snapchat? If my enemies don’t like me, that’s fine as long as my friends speak out for me.

Whose validation is Jesus interested in? 36 “But I have a greater witness than John’s; for the works which the Father has given Me to finish—the very works that I do—bear witness of Me, that the Father has sent Me.” Meaning: My obedience to my father is my validation. Wow! In other words, obedience to my father is the ultimate testimony of who I am. I did what my father told me to do and that proves that I am who I say I am.

What would happen if our children were so eager on obeying us rather than validating themselves or seeking the approval of their friends?

Application: Are you constantly trying to self-validate? Are you constantly trying to seek the validation of others? How much does obedience to your parents matter to you?

III. THE TRUE APPROVAL OF THE PARENT

37 “And the Father Himself, who sent Me, has testified of Me…”

Background: Twice during Jesus earthly ministry, the Father declared that He was pleased with His beloved Son. First time it was at Jesus’ baptism by John when He came up out of the water. Matthew 3  16 “…behold, the heavens were opened to Him, and He saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting upon Him. 17 And suddenly a voice came from heaven, saying, ‘This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.’” Second time it was at the Mount of Transfiguration when Moses and Elijah came to talk with Him. Matthew 17:5 “…Behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them; and suddenly a voice came out of the cloud, saying, ‘This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased. Hear Him!’” Here’s the interesting thing – neither of those events are mentioned in John’s Gospel. Jesus was not talking about either of those. Listen to the rest of verse 37 “…You have neither heard His voice at any time, nor seen His form.” Meaning: The voice is not audible as much as internal. If you had the same father, you would have known His voice and recognized it. Obviously, we don’t belong to the same family. How do we know that? 38 “But you do not have His word abiding in you…” The only way you can hear His voice is if you have His word in you.

Young people – The reason your friends cannot see why you don’t party with them and do the things with them is because they don’t have the words of your parents in them. Parents – the approval is not sitting on the sideline yelling and screaming at your kids or threatening other parents. True approval is when your kid is faced with the wrong choice and hears your voice in His heart.

Invitation: Is Jesus the head of your family? Fathers and Mothers – are you walking with Christ? Children – Are you walking with Christ? Are you saved

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