THE SECRET TO RECONCILIATION – SERVICE by Dr. Shah, Clearview Church, Henderson, NC

Introduction: Summer is over and schools are in full swing now. We began a mini-series two weekends ago to help families with children, whether small or adolescent, deal with the struggles of life. There’s so much noise about “dysfunctional families,” “trauma,” and “toxic relationships,” and so we wanted to answer 3 questions: “What is a dysfunctional family?” “How to raise our children in our broken world where trauma can happen?” and “How to rebuild and heal broken family relationships?” In the first message with Nicole, we learned that all of us come from dysfunctional families. When we use the term “dysfunctional,” we are not using it in the way the world does but in the way the Bible does. We are all dysfunctional and come from dysfunctional families because of sin. The goal is not to become a healthy family but a resilient family. In the second message with Nicole and Ryan and Elizabeth, we learned how to help our children and adolescents when they face trauma in life. Our world tells us to hand them off to someone else to deal with. To the contrary, the child’s family is the first community that helps them heal in trauma. The church family is the second community. This weekend, we are concluding the series with offering some wisdom and encouragement in how to help families heal when trauma and struggles lead to estrangement and broken relationships. The message is titled “THE SECRET TO RECONCILIATION – SERVICE, and it is still coming from Paul’s letter to the Romans. It is a transitional message between the current series on family dysfunction and next week’s message on serving in the church.

Romans 12 (page #1748) 9 “Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. 10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; 11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; 13 distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.”

Context: As you’ve heard me say throughout this series, Paul wrote the letter to the first century church in Rome that was divided between Jewish background and Gentile background believers. Under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, he reminded them of their common problem of sin and their common solution of deliverance through Christ. While maintaining the distinction between the church and Israel (Romans 9-11), Paul wanted them to be reconciled to one another in the church family and love and serve together. These principles of reconciliation are not just for a church family at odds with each other but for any family that may be at odds with each other. 

Often, scholars and pastors tend to divide the Book of Romans into 2 halves: Romans 1-11 and 12-16. First half is considered Doctrine and the second half is considered Ethics. In other words, first theology, then application. Some scholars (Martin Dibelius with his paraenesis or topoi/stock ethics) have looked at them as common closing remarks. This is where people check out, like the lady who would start zipping up her Bible. More and more scholars are coming to the conclusion that this is not accurate (See Sigurd Grindheim, “The Function of Romans 12 in the Argument and Purpose of Romans”). Paul was not dividing his letter into two halves. There are several key words and concepts that tie Romans 12 with Romans 1. Here are 4:

Mercy of God	Romans 12:1 “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God…”	Romans 1:17 “For in it (gospel) the righteousness of God is revealedfrom faith to faith; as it is written, “The just shall live by faith.”
Body	Romans 12:1 “…present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God…”	Romans 1:24 “Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves.”
Worship	Romans 12:1 “…present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God…”	Romans 1:25 “who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.”
Mind	Romans 12:2 “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind”	Romans 1:28 “And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind…”

Here’s the point: As you begin to grow in your Christian life, God begins to reverse the repercussion and consequence of sin and death in our lives and in this world. This is especially true in the context of our relationships.

Let me back up to Romans 8. We learned that we were all born in the family of sin and death. When we come to Christ, we die with Christ, we are buried with Christ, and we rise to walk in newness with Christ. By faith we are to stand in this fact. Now begins our sanctification process. Positionally, we are sanctified, but, experientially, we are to grow in Christ. We begin to learn that we are “heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.” This is where the Holy Spirit teaches us to live the crucified life with Christ where we deny ourselves, pick up our cross, and follow him. This is also where the Holy Spirit teaches us that to be joint heirs with Christ means we are yoked with Christ. As we face the trials of life, we are to pray, but we are not alone in praying. The “Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered” (Romans 8:26b), and Jesus also, “who is even at the right hand of God…also makes intercession for us” (Romans 8:34b).

If life were only about our sanctification, that would be no problem, but life involves people. In fact, starting in Romans 12, Paul explained what sanctification looked like in the believer’s life in community, whether church or family. Altogether there are 40 distinct commandments in just this chapter. Listen to Romans 12 (page #1748) 3 “For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. 4 For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function, 5so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another. 6 Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them:” Next week, I am going to return to this passage to talk about serving in the church family.

For now, let us jump forward to Romans 12:9 “Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good.” If you start applying this without referring to Romans 1-11, then verse 9 would read –“love be with hypocrisy.”

• In Romans 5:5 we have learned that “the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” Meaning: Once I’m saved, I don’t have to dig into my own resources to find love. Whatever I find will be fake, a put on, superficial, selective, and temporary. But the love that the Holy Spirit has poured into my heart is real, genuine, impartial, and lasting. The Holy Spirit transforms our previously judgmental, critical, negative, condescending eyes into the eyes of love and compassion. 
• In Romans 5:8 we have learned that “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Meaning: The sample of what this love looks like has no resemblance on earth. A mother loves her child. That’s wonderful but that’s what mothers do. A soldier gives his life because he loves his country. It’s a great sacrifice but it still does not compare to God’s love. Where do you see God’s love? On the cross. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Remember what Jesus said in Matthew 5  44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? For e.g. I heard the story of the teenager who grew up in a terrible situation and saw her parents abusing each other mentally, emotionally, and physically. Then she gave her heart to Christ. Someone asked her why. She replied that she was waiting for her ride in the church and from the window she saw the youth pastor lovingly walk to his car with his wife. He opened the door for her and gave her a peck on the cheek, all the while unaware that someone was watching them. That’s when I realized that there is such a thing as true love.
• In Romans 8:35-38 we have learned that the source of our love never runs dry. What if we face physical problems? Listen to verse 35 onwards – 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?…37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

When we are secure in God’s love for us, it will show in our relationships – husband/wife, children, neighbors, co-workers, and church family. If you are not secure in God’s love for yourself, you are not in the best state to make decisions.

Let me qualify: There are some problems that are easily resolvable and some not so easy. My prayer is that God will give you the grace to know which is which. There are times when a person has made decisions or is making decisions that are fundamentally opposed to your convictions and are very unhealthy. I’m praying that this message will help you heal and prayfor that person. You may not be able to reconcile, but you can pray for their reconciliation with God, which is far more important.

Romans 12:10 “Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.” In Romans 1 and 2 Paul describes the debased mind of those who reject God and suppress the truth of God. These are people who refuse to honor God. In turn they don’t honor people. Listen to Romans 1 and verse 29 onwards“being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, (dishonoring one’s body and the body of someone else), wickedness, covetousness (dishonoring someone’s success); maliciousness;full of envy, (dishonor in our heart towards someone who is something we’re not or has something we don’t.) murder, (dishonor enough to kill) strife, deceit, (dishonor your word) evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, (dishonor someone’s confidence) 30backbiters, (dishonor someone behind their back) haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, (Instead of “honor your father and your mother, which is the first commandment with promise.” – Ephesians 6:2, 3); undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful”

The people with a debased mind not only dishonor God but they have no qualms about dishonoring fellow human beings. True honor comes when you honor God in your life. Now you will honor self and in the process honor others.

10 “…in honor giving preference to one another.” (Literally: in honor outdo each other)

Meaning: Compete with each other in who shows more honor, not who gets more honor.

Romans 12:11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 

A better translation of that would be “in zeal, do not be lazy.” Christianity in America is suffering because we have lost the zeal, the fire, the passion, the urgency, the energy, the boldness, and the forthrightness that moved the world for God in previous generations.

Romans 12:12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; 

What is HOPE? There are 2 ways people use the word hope: One, I sure hope it works out. Meaning = I don’t think it will get better; Second, Hope is on its way. Meaning = Don’t give up. There is help coming. It is the expectation of something better to come. The Holy Spirit is the harbinger of hope. Listen to Romans 5:5 “Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”Again, Romans 15:13 “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Show me a person who is hopeless and I will show you a person who is not filled with the Holy Spirit. He will help you stay “patient in tribulation.”

continuing steadfastly in prayer; Literally – busy yourself in prayer. Most of us busy ourselves in worry, in doubt, and in complaining.

Romans 12:13 “distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.” Start serving in your family and your church family. At first, it may feel so beneath you. It may feel as if that it is reinforcing what your enemy thinks of you, but don’t let your enemy define you. You be a servant like Jesus.

For e.g. Growing up we constantly had missionaries in our home from America, Sweden, Germany, England, and Philippines. We had an American missionary who ate with us for over 10 years, almost every day for lunch. He would read to me and talk to me.

Romans 12:14 “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” 

Change the way we think about our enemies. It is easy to pursue hospitality with people who welcome us with open arms. How about people who are pursuing us to hurt us physically, emotionally, and mentally? In those situations, it is very easy to become self-righteous and curse them. We feel that we are justified to pronounce a curse on our enemies. After all, that’s the old way of doing things. Love your friends and hate your enemies. But what did Jesus say – Matt. 5:43-45   43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.

For e.g. There was a time in my life when I was struggling with a hurt caused to me by someone who was close to me. I struggled for a while. Even though I had forgiven this person, the hurt was deep; the wound was still raw. Then God brought someone in my life that shared with me this very passage. He said – “Pray for this person who has hurt you for the next three weeks. Pray that God would bless them and do it sincerely. Let me warn you that when you first start praying for them, you will feel like throwing up. Everything in you will churn as you try to pray for their blessing. After the first week, it will be a little easier. After the second week, it will be much easier. Then there will come a day, when you will pray and when you are finished, you will feel like a sack of stones has fallen off your shoulders.” I tried it and sure enough he was right.

Every week I come across people who are struggling with hurt. Daily they are living under misery and pain. They can’t seem to break free. Here’s the answer – change the way you think about your enemies.

Romans 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.

How contrary is that to the old way of life! We want people to rejoice with us when we rejoice and weep with us when we weep. We are the center of the universe. We want the world to revolve around us.

The problem comes when we sit around waiting for others to share our joys and tears. What happens when this does not happen? We get angry and disappointed and hurt. Change the focus from self to others and you will feel a weight lifted off you.

Someone may ask – Who will rejoice with me when I rejoice? Who will weep with me when I weep? When you rejoice and there’s none to rejoice with you, listen to Zephaniah 3:17 “The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” When you weep and there’s none to weep with you, listen to Psalm 34:17-18   17 “The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles. 18 The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.”

Romans 12:16 Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.

Background: Many are getting disappointed because they have such a high view of themselves. Instead, we are to set our minds on the lowly, the less fortunate.

As you do that, you will find that what was once a big deal is no longer.

Romans 12       17 “Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. 18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. 19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.

What does that mean? Let God be God. He reserves the right to judge. He reserves the right to condemn. He reserves the right to repay. Most of our problems come from trying to play God. Instead, listen to verse 20 Therefore“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;If he is thirsty, give him a drink;For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”

Some people have interpreted that to mean that when you do good to your enemies, it will feel burn them up. To the contrary, listen to the very next verse – 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Can we do that in our family and church family? Many of you are models of this Christ-like and Spirit-filled life to me.

Are you saved?