WHEN LOVED ONES ARE NEAR (Article) by Abidan Shah, Ph.D
(Published in the newspaper Daily Dispatch, Henderson on December 2, 2023)
“It’s the most wonderful time of the year
There’ll be much mistltoeing
And hearts will be glowing
When loved ones are near”
“It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” is one of the top Christmas songs of all times. It captures all the wonderful things that make Christmas such fun and exciting time– jingle bells, marshmallows, caroling, mistletoe, etc. However, there is one small line that may not be as appealing for everyone, especially during the holidays – “And hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near.” Unfortunately, our hearts don’t always glow with joy when loved ones draw near—sometimes they groan with pain. As the old saying goes – “We hurt the most the ones we love the most.” Sometimes, the pain is so deep that some even dread to see the holidays come.
So, how can we glow, instead of groan, when loved ones are near?
1. Pray. Instead of agonizing over painful memories and bitter disappointments, talk to God. As another famous song says, “O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer!” When we pray for our loved ones, let’s pray for them to be blessed, and do it sincerely. It’s hard for us to pray for someone to be blessed and still hate them!
2. Don’t excuse their wrong. Often people try to excuse their loved ones for the wrong they have committed, and some even try to take the blame. This may help for a moment, but our God-given innate sense of justice will soon take over. We have to call sin what it is: sin. This will free us from carrying any unnecessary burdens, which only make things worse.
3. Forgive. When Peter asked Jesus “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:21-22). There’s so much freedom and joy in forgiving others, especially our loved ones. We are never more like Christ than when we forgive.
4. Focus on the positive. Our minds are naturally drawn towards the negative. As Paul reminded the Philippians, “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things” (Philippians 4:8). Some days this will be very hard, almost impossible, but the secret is to ask the Holy Spirit to transform our minds into the mind of Christ.
5. Refuse to compare. We see someone’s Christmas card picture or social media post and instantly feel that we failed. We assume that everyone is well-adjusted, happy, satisfied, and without any issues. Having been a pastor for 25 years, let me just say – “looks can be very deceiving!” Focus rather on the biblical families (Adam and Eve, Abraham and Sarah, David and his dysfunctional children, Hosea and Gomer, etc.) and you will instantly feel like a success.
6. See the holidays as holy days. What if we saw our holidays as much more than just a time to gather, eat, and have fun. What if we saw them as times to give God glory for his great mercy, especially in sending his Son, Jesus Christ, to give his life for us. When we glorify Christ, he becomes the center, and when he is the center, he draws all people to himself and transforms them for the better.
May we all glow ever brighter this holiday when our loved ones are near!