Keeping Intimacy in Marriage Part Five

KEEPING INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE – 5 by Pastor Shah, Clearview Church, Henderson

intimacy5We are in part 5 of our miniseries KEEPING INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE. Many of you ask me about how to get copies of the messages. Either you can order CD’s through the email in the bulletin or visit our website or sign up for the Clearview podcast.

Matthew 5   27 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.

Overall Background: Last week, we looked at how Potiphar’s wife, a pagan Egyptian woman, tried to seduce Joseph. Today we will look someone who was anything but pagan. In fact, he was known as “a man after God’s own heart.” As a young boy, he had courage enough to face a giant. As a young king, he had charisma enough to unite all the tribes of Israel. As the sweet psalmist of Israel, he had spiritual capability to write Psalm 23 and half the psalms in the Old Testament. But, in a moment of lust and weakness and pride, he threw away his conscience and his character and became worse than an infidel. Of course, we’re talking about King David.

Here’s a statement – when the world messes up, it’s understandable. I didn’t say it’s right, just understandable. But, when a Christian messes up, it’s unbelievable. You say – “That’s not fair.” You’re right but it’s still the fact. No wonder Jesus said in verse 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you…” Next week we’ll look at this in detail but for now the message is – “Adultery is a serious sin. Serious enough to take whatever precautions you can to save yourself from it.”

Questions: How seriously do you take the sin of adultery? How seriously do you take the sin of adultery as a Christian? Remember – it’s not just the act but also the thought. Do you realize the tremendous consequences that follow your decisions? Do you hear the voice of the Holy Spirit when you inch towards adultery? If not, you need to get saved.

This morning we’re going to look at the account of King David and Bathsheba and learn how easy it is for a Christian to fall into this sin and how awful are the consequences. But we will also learn that there is forgiveness and restoration through Christ. Again, married or single, this message is for all of us.

 I. FROM GLANCE TO GAZE

2 Samuel 11   1 It happened in the spring of the year, at the time when kings go out to battle, that David sent Joab and his servants with him, and all Israel; and they destroyed the people of Ammon and besieged Rabbah. But David remained at Jerusalem. I’m sure you’ve heard a message on this before – David was playing hooky instead of leading his army in battle. As the saying goes, “An empty mind is a Devil’s workshop.” 2 Then it happened one evening that David arose from his bed and walked on the roof of the king’s house. And from the roof he saw a woman bathing, and the woman was very beautiful to behold. Last week, I had several men come to me individually and ask me that question – “Is it the first look or the second look?” Meaning: Is it a sin to look at someone who is pretty? Altogether, there are 4 looks:

  • It is normal to look at a person of the opposite sex and think they are beautiful or handsome. That’s not a sin.
  • It is normal to look at a person of the opposite sex and even be tempted. That’s not a sin either. Jesus was tempted but without sin. Ask God to help you think differently of them.
  • It is not okay to look at a person of the opposite sex who is not your spouse and be obsessed by them. That is a sin. If you are married, you should have eyes only for your spouse. If you are single, you should have eyes only for those who are single.
  • It is definitely not okay to look at a person in a way that draws them into your lust. That is definitely a sin. That’s what David tried to do next.

3 So David sent and inquired about the woman. And someone said, “Is this not Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, They gave her description as if David was supposed to know her family. Who was Eliam? In 2 Samuel 23 we have a list of David’s elite fighting force – One of them killed 800 men by himself; another killed 300 men; and yet another had killed a lion inside a snow filled pit. One of them was “…Eliam the son of Ahithophel the Gilonite.” (vs. 34) Who was Ahithophel the Gilonite? He was one of David’s advisors. How good was his advice? 2 Samuel 16:23 Now the advice of Ahithophel, which he gave in those days, was as if one had inquired at the oracle of God. Meaning: When Ahithophel spoke, it was as if God spoke. In other words, David knew that Bathsheba came from a very respectable family. He should have left her alone. But there was something much more important about Bathsheba – “Is this not Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” Meaning: She was a married woman. By the way, Uriah was also one of David’s elites. He had enough reasons to stop immediately!

Question: What do you do when the Holy Spirit tells you to stop? Do you keep gazing? 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. Do you take the way of escape that God sends your way? Do you pray “Lead us not into temptation?”

II. FROM ENTITLEMENT TO MURDER

4 Then David sent messengers, and took her; and she came to him, and he lay with her…”

Background: What began as a harmless glance became a lustful gaze and turned into a disgraceful sin. “Go bring her to me.” How did David justify this? Here are my 3 guesses:

  • Maybe he thought he was doing her a favor. After all, she is married to Uriah the Hittite. Hittites were people from the North in Asia Minor (modern day Turkey). There were also some who had transplanted to the South in Canaan from the time of Abraham. What David had forgotten was that Uriah was not a Hittite name. It was a Hebrew name that meant – “Yahweh is my Light.” Uriah was a convert. In his fit of lust, David did not care.
  • Maybe he thought no one would ever know. All the fighting men are in battle. I can cover it up. Nobody will ever know. By the way, David did an excellent job of hiding it. The punishment for adultery is death by stoning but for that you need at least 2 witnesses. Partly because he was the king but also because no one knew what was happening.
  • Maybe he thought he was entitled to her. After all, he was David the shepherd King, the man who defeated the Philistines. At least, I am way better than Saul. I have done so much for these people. I deserve whatever I want.

What happened next? Bathsheba got pregnant and sent word to David “I am with child.” Instead of repenting before God David went into damage control mode. First, he told his commander Joab to send Uriah home for some R and R. Uriah refused to go home because his men were camped out in the fields. 13 “Now when David called him, he ate and drank before him; and he made him drunk.” Let me say something here – there is a reason why David was not leading his army. He was addicted to the bottle. He seems to be getting wasted. It’s my guess but I believe that David was drunk when he went after Bathsheba. Alcohol dulls your senses. It lowers your fear and insecurities and you do things that you will normally never do in your right mind. Here’s a formula worth remembering – ALCOHOL + OPPORTUNITY = ADULTERY

Finally, he gave order to Joab to put Uriah on the frontline and in the thick of the battle pull back. Just as planned, Uriah died. Listen to verse 26 When the wife of Uriah heard that Uriah her husband was dead, she mourned for her husband.

Application: Do you justify your sins? Do you think you owe it to yourself to indulge in sin? How far will you go to cover up your tracks?

III. FROM DISCIPLINE TO RESTORATION 

27 And when her mourning was over, David sent and brought her to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son. David was thinking that it was all over and that everything was forgotten. Listen to the last line of that verse – “But the thing that David had done displeased the LORD.” The Bible is unlike any religious book. It never sugarcoats the lives of its heroes. As Alan Redpath would say – “The Bible never flatters its heroes.”

2 Samuel 12:1 Then the LORD sent Nathan to David. Nathan gave David a parable of 2 men – one rich and one poor. The rich had many flocks and herd and the poor had one ewe lamb. It was like a daughter to him. One day the rich man had a visitor. Instead of getting an animal from his own flock, he took the poor man’s only lamb. What do you think David? At this point David responded with anger. Listen to verse 5 So David’s anger was greatly aroused against the man, and he said to Nathan, “As the LORD lives, the man who has done this shall surely die! 6 And he shall restore fourfold for the lamb, because he did this thing and because he had no pity.” Talk about a “Freudian projection.” In psychology, projection means, “you hate something in someone because secretly you know it is in you and you hate it.” God explained it 3000 years before Freud.

Listen to Nathan’s famous line to David in verse 7 “…You are the man! God said – “I made you king of Israel and gave you everything you have but it wasn’t enough.” Here’s the judgment – 10 “…the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised Me…11 “…Behold, I will raise up adversity against you from your own house; and I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this sun. 12 For you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel, before the sun.’ ” Just as God said, it happened. For one murder, David lost 4 sons: 1. Son of Bathsheba (12:18); 2. Amnon – killed by his brother Absalom (13:28); 3. Absalom was killed in battle (18:14); 4. Adonijah – killed by Solomon (I Kin 2:24-25).

Here’s an old principle – Galatians 6:7 “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.” In other words, “what goes around, comes around.”

What is David’s response? 13 So David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the LORD.”

Psa. 51 1 Have mercy upon me, O God, According to Your lovingkindness…Blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, And cleanse me from my sin. 3 For I acknowledge my transgressions, And my sin is always before me. 4 Against You, You only, have I sinned, And done this evil in Your sight— 8 Make me hear joy and gladness, That the bones You have broken may rejoice. 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me away from Your presence, And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. 12             Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit. 17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart—These, O God, You will not despise.

What is God’s answer? “The LORD also has put away your sin; you shall not die. Although the child died, Bathsheba had another child and she called his name Solomon.

Invitation: The only solution to sin is to fall into the hands of God, fall into the hands of Jesus. Do you need to repent today? Are you saved?

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